| The Comments |
F-------g arseholes I`m gonna find you!!
I cant believe this has happened to me right on top of Christmas too !!!
I arrived home last night to find all the windows wide open, they've taken everything, its all gone! I`m waiting for the police. The dirty rotten thieving bastards, what kind of a sick minded person would do this to another person?
You are not human....
You are low life scum !!!!!!!!!!!! ..................
That was my advent calendar and you had no right to open it and eat all the chocolates.
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JB
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bob saw his doctor & asked if he had ever laughed at a patient "in over 20 years i haven't " with that bob dropped his trousersrevealing the tiniest d k the doctor had ever seen. it wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery. the doctor went into fits of laughter "i'm sorry i really am, i dont know what came over me. i promise it wont happen again. now whats the problem" "its swollen" said bob
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MY CHINESE NEIGHBOUR SAID HE'S OPENING A CROWS SHOP I SAID YOU MEAN A CLOTHES SHOP HE SAYS : NO A CROWS SHOP....! YOU COME IN AND HAVE A ROOK
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Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates'
Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said
'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally
pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man
with a raised eyebrow and asked,
'And just what do those symbolize?'
The paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'
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JB
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Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them
"It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."
"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.
...
"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.
"Quattro is just ze name of ze fokken automobile" the German says unbelievingly. "Look at ze dam papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 persons."
"You canta pulla thata one on me-aa!" replies the Italian customs officer. "Quattro meansa four. You have five-a people ina your car and thereforea youarra breaking da law."
The German driver replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over. I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence!"
"Sorry" responds the Italian officer, "He can'ta come.
He's a busy
with a 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."
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JB
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** EDITED - Against forum rules **
This message was last edited by eos_moderators on 3/3/2014 9:58:00 AM.
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I spent two hours last night defrosting the fridge......or foreplay as the she calls it.
My wife packed my bags and as I walked to the door she screamed " I wish you a slow and painful death, you Bastard!!
Oh, I replied "so now you want me to stay!"
Dakey
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The Importance of Accuracy in your Tax Return
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The HMRC has returned the Tax Return to a man in Evesham after he apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly. In response to the question, Do you have anyone dependant on you? The man wrote: "2.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crackheads, 4.4 million unemployable Jeremy Kyle scroungers, 900,000 criminals in over 85 prisons plus 6 0 0 + idiots in Parliament and the entire European Commission".
The HMRC stated that the response he gave was unacceptable.
The man's response back to HMRC was "Who did I miss out?".
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My wife said I am obsessed with 'only fools and horses' I am not having that and decided to leave so I got my suitcase from the van.....
Dakey
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** EDITED - Offensive - Against forum rules **
This message was last edited by dakey on 18/03/2014.
This message was last edited by eos_moderators on 4/10/2014 3:37:00 PM.
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A nurse walks in to a bank exhausted after a long 18 hour shift and prepares to write a cheque. She tries to write it and then realises that she is using a rectal thermometer instead. Without missing a beat she tells the teller " Thats great, some arsehole has got my pen!"
Dakey
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** EDITED -Offensive- Against forum rules **
This message was last edited by eos_moderators on 4/10/2014 3:38:00 PM.
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** EDITED - Offensive - Against forum rules **
This message was last edited by eos_moderators on 4/14/2014 9:04:00 AM.
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I find this totally inappropriate and racist and open for police prosecution.
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Whilst we want people to enjoy themselves on EOS, that what some people find funny and others offensive is very personal and we don't wish to moderate this. There are obviously websites dedicated to jokes and humour if this is what people are looking for. This said we will not tolerate racist posts whether they be 'jokes' or not. So we have decided to lock this thread.
Thank you
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EOS Moderators
> See our Forum Rules | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use
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