JOKES PLEASE .. IN HERE

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26 Jan 2007 10:24 PM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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26 Jan 2007 10:26 PM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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26 Jan 2007 10:27 PM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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26 Jan 2007 10:28 PM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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26 Jan 2007 10:30 PM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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27 Jan 2007 2:41 PM by lewjan62 Star rating in West Sussex / Casare.... 134 posts Send private message

lewjan62´s avatar

 

 

This is the fairy tale that we should have been reading as little girls!

 

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent,

self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating

ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant

meadow near her castle.

 

A frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was

once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.

 

One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper,

young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up

housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can satisfy my

needs, prepare and serve my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children,

and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.

 

 

 

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog

legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and

thought to herself:

 

I DON'T F***ING THINK SO!!!!!

 

 


_______________________
Jan   www.apartment-on-costadelsol.co.uk  



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27 Jan 2007 5:54 PM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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27 Jan 2007 6:26 PM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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27 Jan 2007 10:18 PM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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27 Jan 2007 10:49 PM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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28 Jan 2007 12:19 AM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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28 Jan 2007 12:20 AM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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28 Jan 2007 12:24 AM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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28 Jan 2007 12:26 AM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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28 Jan 2007 12:29 AM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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28 Jan 2007 12:31 AM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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29 Jan 2007 12:28 AM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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29 Jan 2007 9:42 AM by Smiley Star rating in San Pedro de Alcanta.... 2502 posts Send private message

Smiley´s avatar
Why is it that people say they "slept like baby" when babies wake up every
>two hours?
>
>
>If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
>
>
>Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are
>flat?
>
>
>Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is
>not enough?
>
>
>Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but

>check when you say the paint is wet?
>
>
>Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
>
>
>Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
>
>
>Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a
>revolver at him?
>
>
>Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
>
>
>Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
>
>
>What is the speed of darkness?
>
>
>Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the
>Special Olympics?
>
>
>If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold

>tomorrow, how cold will it be?
>
>
>If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing
>here?
>
>
>Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
>
>
>Do you cry under water?
>
>
>How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
>good idea to put wheels on luggage?
>
>
>Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
>to look at things on the ground?
>
>
>Did you ever stop and wonder......
>
>Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
>these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
>
>
>Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat
>the next thing that comes outta it's bum."
>
>
>Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to
>a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
>
>
>Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
>
>
>Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
>point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
>
>
>Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get
>undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
>
>
>Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
>dogs!
>
>
>Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
>
>
>If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me!!!!)
>
>
>If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
>then what is baby oil made from?
>
>
>If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
>
>
>Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
>tune?
>
>
>Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . .
>
>
>Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
>
>
>Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,

>but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
>
>
>Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
>

_______________________

Smiley - patrick@marbellamortgages.com  www.marbellamortgages.com   www.comparetravelcash.co.uk




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29 Jan 2007 9:55 AM by jfj Star rating in Vera, Almería. 142 posts Send private message

jfj´s avatar
Absolutely brilliant Smiley!!!
I needed a good giggle this morning.



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29 Jan 2007 1:34 PM by lewjan62 Star rating in West Sussex / Casare.... 134 posts Send private message

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CDC WARNING


The Centre for Disease Control (CDC) has issued a warning about a virulent new strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD).  The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behaviour. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim and is pronounced "gonna re-elect him."  Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for four years.

Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include: Anti-social personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept responsibility for one's own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado, uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography and history, tendencies towards evangelical theocracy, and categorical all-or-nothing behaviour.

Naturalists and clinical epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.

_______________________
Jan   www.apartment-on-costadelsol.co.uk  



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