3 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Lesson 1
> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
>shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
>towel and runs downstairs.
>
> When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
>Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that
>towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
>stands naked in front of Bob.
>
> After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves.
>
> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she
>gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the
>next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he
>say anything about the £800 he owes me?"
>
>
> Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
>credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a
>position to prevent avoidable exposure
>
>
> Lesson 2
> A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
>forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
>After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
>
> The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.
>But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun
>once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised
>"Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun
>went on her way.
>
> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
>It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
>
>
> Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you
>might miss a great opportunity
>
>
> Lesson 3
>
> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
>lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
>out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!"
>says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a
>speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
>
> "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
>relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
>Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
>
> "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says,
>
> "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
>
>
> Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say
>
> Lesson 4
>
> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit
>saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
>The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
>below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
> appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>
> Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
>sitting very, very high up
>
> Lesson 5
>
> A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
>the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but haven't got the energy."
>"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
>They're packed with nutrients."
>
>
> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
>enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
>after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
>
>
> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the
>top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out
>of the tree.
>
>
> Moral of the story: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't
>keep you there
>
> Lesson 6
>
> A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
>froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying
>there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
>
> As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
>realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay
>there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
>
>
> A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate...
>Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
>dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
>
>
>
> Moral of the story:
>
> (1) Not everyone who ****'s on you is your enemy
> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend
> (3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keepyour mouth shut!
>
> This ends the 3-minute management course