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I received this today from our American friend, I've read something similar before but it still made me smile and hopefully others will as well.
A mind is a terrible thing to waste........and a waist is a terrible thing to mind.
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other things too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny girl to find me.
Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
_______________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that girl Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
=
Send this to a friend who needs to laugh. We all need a good laugh.
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 ...........
Trevor, the farmer, was in the fertilised egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets' and eight or ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilise the eggs.
The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the stock pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.. Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favourite rooster was old Gordon, and a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning Trevor noticed old Gordon's bell hadn't rung at all! Trevor went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover but to farmer Trevor's amazement, Gordon had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. Trevor was so proud of Gordon, he entered him into the West Berkshire County Fair and Gordon became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The Result - the judges not only awarded Gordon the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise.
Clearly Gordon was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
    
_______________________
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Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits by Pam Ayres
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers,
Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers,
Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
'Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning.
It's Nature's revenge for all that sinning,
And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits
'Cos tits can be such troublesome things
When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing.
And although they go well with my Bingo wings,
I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When they're both long enough to tie up in a bow,
When it's not the sweet chariot that swings low,
When they're less of a friend and more of a foe,
Then I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When I was young I got whistles and hoots,
From the men on the site to the men in the suits,
Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When I was younger I rode bikes and scooters,
Cruising around with my favourite suitors.
Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters,
I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When they follow behind and get trapped in the door,
When they're less in the air and more near the floor,
When people see less of them rather than more,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
_______________________
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He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?
He said to me . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
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He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time
He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . We don't know; it has never happened.
He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
I said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said. . . A widow.
He said to me . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
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_______________________
 ' Do unto others as you would be done by'
Now a non-smoker ! 
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Subject: Fireman!
A fireman is polishing his fire engine outside the fire station when he
notices a little girl next door in a little red cart with little ladders
hung on the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The little girl is wearing a fireman's helmet and has the cart tied to a dog
and a cat.
The fire-fighter walks over to take a closer look: 'That's a lovely fire
engine,' he says admiringly.
'Thanks,' says the little girl. The fireman looks closer and notices the
little girl has tied one of the cart's strings to the dog's collar and one
to the cat's testicles.
'Little colleague,' says the fire-fighter, 'I don't want to tell you how to
run your fire engine, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's
collar, I think you could probably go a lot faster.'
The little girl pauses for a moment, looks at the wagon, at the dog and at
the cat, then shyly looks into the fireman's eyes and says:
'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a f**king siren, would I?'
_______________________
Jan
www.apartment-on-costadelsol.co.uk
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this is not a joke guys but thought you wouldnt mind it being in here cos dont want to start a new thread for brain training!!!!!!!
>> This is FUN and a really good exercise for our
>>>>>> BRAINS........
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Can you find the B (there are 2 B's)?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> DON'T skip or your wish won't come true...
>>>>>>
>>>>>> RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
>>>>>> RRRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
>>>>>> RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
>>>>>> RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
>>>>>> RRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
>>>>>> RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Once you've found the b
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Find the 1
>>>>>>
>>>>>> IIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
>>>>>> IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
>>>>>> IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
>>>>>> IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
>>>>>> IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
>>>>>> IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
>>>>>> IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
>>>>>> IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
>>>>>> IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII1IIII
>>>>>> IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
>>>>>> IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
>>>>>>
>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Once you found the 1..............
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Find the 6
>>>>>>
>>>>>> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
>>>>>> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
>>>>>> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
>>>>>> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
>>>>>> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
>>>>>> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
>>>>>> 9999699999999999999999999999999999
>>>>>> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
>>>>>> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
>>>>>> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
>>>>>> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
>>>>>> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
>>>>>>
>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> once you've found th e 6...
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Find the N (it's hard!!)
>>>>>>
>>>>>> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
>>>>>> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
>>>>>> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
>>>>>> MMMMMMMNMMMMM
>>>>>> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
>>>>>> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
>>>>>> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
>>>>>> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
>>>>>> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
>>>>>> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> once you've found the N...
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Find the Q.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>>>>> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>>>>> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>>>>> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>>>>> OOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>>>>> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>>>>> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>>>>> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>>>>> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>>>>> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> make 2 wishes!
>>
>>
>>>>>> OK, NOW THAT YOU MADE A WISH, IT WILL COME TRUE.....
>>>>>> ALL YOU HAVE to DO IS FORWARD TO 3 PEOPLE BUT IF YOU FORWARD TO
>>>>>> MORE IT WILL HAPPEN SOONER!!!
>>>>>
>>
_______________________
Jan
www.apartment-on-costadelsol.co.uk
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FACTS ABOUT THE HUMAN BODY
The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is
the male sperm.
A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when
he died.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one
square inch.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you aren't.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing
still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
The average woman is five inches shorter than the average man.
Still looking at your thumb, aren't you?
_______________________
Jan
www.apartment-on-costadelsol.co.uk
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Men & Women. And the confusion goes on!
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every man on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all.She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.
We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
"WHAT???!!!"
I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man eno ugh for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either
_______________________
Home is where the heart is!
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And you thought learning Spanish was tough...
I take it you already know,
Of tough and bough and cough and dough.
Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, laugh and through.
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps.
Beware of heard, a dreadful word,
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.
And dead - it’s said like bed, not bead,
For goodness’ sake, don’t call it ‘deed’!
Watch out for meat and great and threat,
(They rhyme with suite and straight and debt).
A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth in brother.
And here is not a match for there,
Nor dear and fear for bear and pear.
And then there’s dose and rose and lose –
Just look them up – and goose and choose.
And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword.
And do and go and thwart and cart –
Come, come, I’ve hardly made a start!
A dreadful language? Why man alive!
I’d mastered it when I was five.
_______________________
http://www.facebook.com/ruido.blanco.773
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A friend of mine sent me this joke - you won't be able to guess what sex this friend is, will you!!
A little girl asked her father:
'How did the human race appear?'
The father answered, 'God made Adam and Eve;
they had children; and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question.
The mother answered,
'Many years ago there were monkeys from
which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her father and said,
'Dad, how is it possible that you told me the
human race was created by God,
and Mom said they developed from monkeys?'
The father answered,
'Well, Dear, it is very simple.
I told you about my side of the family,
and your mother told you about hers.'
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_______________________
Home is where the heart is!
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To combine the male vs female and the complexity of the English Language themes.
A woman, without her man, is nothing.
A woman: without her, man is nothing.
Amazing how by changing the punctuation, the meaning is completely reversed!
Someone sent this to me in an email: -
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP'
It's easy to understandUP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car . At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UPalmost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP ..
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP .
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP .
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP, so........... it is time to shut UP .!
Oh . . . one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning &the last thing you do at night? U-P Oh well, toodle doo.
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Jack woke up with a killer hangover after attending his firm's Christmas
Party.
He didn't even remember how he got home. It's 8.30. What day is it?
Thursday. His wife must have gone to work.
As he struggled into consciousness through the fog of a pounding
headache, his stomach plummeted as he wondered what the hell he did last night.
He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a
couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to
them, a little vase of sweet peas, freshly picked from the garden.
He sat up. The bedroom was clean and tidy, - there was no trail of
drunkenly abandoned clothes, fresh air was coming in through the window
and all was serene. He stumbled to the bathroom, also pristine, and,
squinting gingerly into the mirror, saw that he had a black eye. This was not a
good sign, but no memories were returning.
As he concentrated hard on getting the world into focus, he saw a post-it note stuck on the corner of the mirror. It was written in red, with little hearts on it and a kiss from his wife.
'I'll ring your office and tell them you won't be in today. Breakfast is in the oven. Try to eat something and go back to bed for the morning.
There's snooker on TV this afternoon. Take it easy today, hope your eye doesn't hurt too much. See you tonight. I love you, darling!
Love,
Julie. xxx '
He stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot breakfast,
Steaming hot coffee and the newspaper. His teenaged son was sitting at the
table, eating.
Jack, bracing himself, asked his son what happened the previous night.
'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. '
Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order,
aspirins by the bed, a nice note from Mum and breakfast waiting for me?'
His son replied, 'Oh THAT!... Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone you slapper,
I'm married!!'
Broken Coffee Table £250
Hot Breakfast £3..50
Two Aspirins 20p
Saying the right thing, at the right time......PRICELESS
_______________________
' Do unto others as you would be done by'
Now a non-smoker !
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3w vakantiereizenspanje nl
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Johnny is sitting at the dining table with a slight puzzled look on his face!
His Mum asks him "What's wrong johnny?"
He replies "Why were you sitting on Daddy in bed last night, jumping up and down?"
Taken by supprise, his Mum splutters "Um! Ah! That's because Daddy had a lot of wind in his tummy an Mummy was helping him get rid of it!"
Now Johnny looks really puzzled and says "Well, why is it then that the lady next door came in after you had gone to work and helped him pump it back up again?"
_______________________
www.andalucianstyle.com
Me, the Mrs and Rosie too! But we'll never, ever forget our Tyler!
We support AAA Abandoned Animals Marbella - Do you?
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Sorry I can't make this type smaller - but here is one with one of those groans at the end!!
The Power of Beer
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant 'Take another drink!'
The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!! Two arms pop out.
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, 'Take another drink! Take another drink!!' The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses, shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,
(Wait for it)
'He should've quit while he was a head!'
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_______________________
Home is where the heart is!
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Semi.................that was wonderful...............best laugh I've had for a while.
Thanks for brightening my day.
_______________________
' Do unto others as you would be done by'
Now a non-smoker !
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