Ex-Pat Faux-Pas?

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05 Dec 2007 12:00 AM by HybridAnglo Star rating in Leeds & Manilva. 73 posts Send private message

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I remember when living and working in the US, I could always spot the English tourists - salmon pink faces and socks with sandals, unhappy at the amount of ice in their cokes (until they realised there were free refills), wearing football shirts to dinner,  chips-with-everything, etc - and, horrible snob that I can be, would occasionally be found developing a passable local accent in the hope of avoiding detection.

So, in advance of our move to Spain, I was wondering if there were any obvious examples of what we, as newcomers to the country, should avoid doing? You know, those potentially cringeworthy actions which mark the individual out as a Johnny-come-lately, or even worse, a tourist.


(Ever so slightly tongue-in-cheek...)


 



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05 Dec 2007 10:00 PM by bobaol Star rating. 2253 posts Send private message

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Sorry, but the football shirts play a large part of life in Spain as well.  And there's always the socks with sandals giveaway so try to avoid that.  If you really want to stand out as a Brit ex-pat, go into any big supermarket (Carrefour is the preferred one) and ask the shop assistant where the HP sauce is.  When she can't understand you, just shout louder as all these Johnny Foreigners understand after a bit of shouting.  When you can't find what you want, exit the store muttering loudly about how they should all speak English because you bring so much money into the area.  And to really blend in with the ex-pat criminal fraternity, lots of gold bling and dyed blonde hair (on men, of course) really makes you stand out.  Of course, all this sartorial elegance must be accompanied by a pair of baggy shorts which slip just down ever so slightly when you're loading up the car so the builders bum is in evidence.

During the winter months, a tatty fleece top over your shorts should suffice.  You will look ever so elegant sitting outside the pub in the middle of the day, gripping your glass of Guinness ever so tightly while complaining to all and sundry that they "don't know how to keep a good pint over here" or muttering "anyone know what time Mercadona closes on a Saturday night?"

Of course, it's not only the Brit expats that stand out.  Northern Europeans can be easily spotted by the matching shell-suits sported by married couples.  The gold bling and dyed blonde hair is fairly interchangeable amongst these groups but the purses carried by the men should be a giveaway that they are not pukka gen Brits.  The Brits tend to have shoulder bags instead.

All expats must grip their bags tightly when approached by a swarthy North African shouting "no, no....I've already got a watch/sunglasses/baseball cap/gold chain (delete which appropriate) ".

And don't forget, never make eye contact with one of the Guardia Civil when out for your morning constitutional.  And to really blend in with the local populace, never, ever pick up the doo doos left by your dog!!!!!!

 

 





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05 Dec 2007 10:12 PM by HybridAnglo Star rating in Leeds & Manilva. 73 posts Send private message

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Cheers, Bob. I was worried folk might not have appreciated the mischievous nature of my post.


[hurries off to purchase his HP Sauce in bulk]



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06 Dec 2007 7:38 AM by FibbyUK Star rating in UK, Surrey & Playa F.... 2349 posts Send private message

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bobaol

Your post was brilliant!

Your sense of humour is second to none, well done!

You forgot to mention though.....the women that come straight from the pool or beach, still in their bikinis, transparant sarong tied around to "hide" their bulging masses.....................

Do they frequent Tesco's during the UK summer dressed like this too?!!!



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06 Dec 2007 10:10 AM by damok666 Star rating in Sunderland. 75 posts Send private message

Sorry, but the football shirts play a large part of life in Spain as well.  And there's always the socks with sandals giveaway so try to avoid that.  If you really want to stand out as a Brit ex-pat, go into any big supermarket (Carrefour is the preferred one) and ask the shop assistant where the HP sauce is.  When she can't understand you, just shout louder as all these Johnny Foreigners understand after a bit of shouting.  When you can't find what you want, exit the store muttering loudly about how they should all speak English because you bring so much money into the area.  And to really blend in with the ex-pat criminal fraternity, lots of gold bling and dyed blonde hair (on men, of course) really makes you stand out.  Of course, all this sartorial elegance must be accompanied by a pair of baggy shorts which slip just down ever so slightly when you're loading up the car so the builders bum is in evidence.

 

Hahahahaha! Brilliant post.  I always say to those who shout, "They're foreign, not deaf!"



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07 Dec 2007 1:50 PM by Rixxy Star rating in San Pedro. 2010 posts Send private message

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And shout more slowly - that sometimes works!!!

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07 Dec 2007 5:28 PM by Roberto Star rating in Torremolinos. 4551 posts Send private message

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Try to avoid asking every other Brit you encounter "So, are you on holiday, or do you live here?" Definite no-no.

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07 Dec 2007 6:21 PM by Pitby Star rating in Andalucía. 1904 posts Send private message

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absolutely, Roberto!!  That made me laugh!  I have that all the time here.  We played golf in Ras al Khaimah last week (about an hour's drive from Dubai) and I was in the changing rooms after the round when a British woman walked in, about to go out for a round, and asked how my game had been and then "so, are you on holiday here??".  Just so she could let me know that she had bought an apartment  at the resort and commuted each weekend from Dubai!!! 

Please!!!!!  Have you seen Ras al Khaimah!!



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10 Dec 2007 12:53 PM by JC1 Star rating in Manchester and La Du.... 963 posts Send private message

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Or try not to assume that you fit in with those that were here before the cranes....because you won't.

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10 Dec 2007 11:34 PM by hudsey Star rating in Hexham, Northumberla.... 120 posts Send private message

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Also, don't advise everyone who you meet that has recently purchased a property, to sell up and MOVE OUT IMMEDIATELY! 



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