Ryanair - An open letter that says it all

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31 Dec 2012 18:20 by MetGB Star rating. 52 posts Send private message

"Dearest Ryanair,

Hello! Just a quick note to tell you that I will never, ever, be flying with you again.  Never. That I will be seeking out any and all possible alternatives, and take whichever route to my destination that means I get to avoid setting foot on one of Ryanair’s flying flea markets from now until you go into receivership. Not for lack of my custom, obviously: just because you’re too dreadful to exist in any reasonable world.

I realise you’re probably shrugging and making that corporate ‘meh’ face that is intended to convey the very true fact that you’ve plenty of customers, that my custom (rare anyway, what with me living abroad) will not be missed, and that you couldn’t give a shit whether I fly with you or not, and that’s fine. I would expect nothing less from you.

I just needed to get this down on paper somewhere, because goodness knows it can’t be said too often:

You suck, Ryanair. You suck, and I hate you, Ryanair.

Reasons I hate Ryanair

– I hate Ryanair because you seem to take pleasure in misleading passengers.

– I hate Ryanair because you pretend that your shitty attitude is excusable because it is ‘no frills’ and compensated for by low prices, and then heap hidden charge upon hidden charge on your customers.

– I hate Ryanair because you seem to have no respect at all for the people who choose to use your service.

– I hate Ryanair, because in fact, you seem to believe that treating people like crap is the punishment they deserve for being stupid enough to fly with you in the first place.

– I hate Ryanair because you seem to have spent a long time working out, in detail, what it means to provide good customer service, and then made a conscious decision to do the polar opposite of that, in every single instance.

You might say that it is “transparent” to advertise the base price of your flight (whether it be £1 or £20, it bears no real relation to anything, let’s face it) and then to detail the other costs as if they were somehow optional or reasonable, but you’re fooling no one.

For anyone who hasn’t had the pleasure – and I imagine that not a single person on the board at Ryanair would actually choose to ever fly on their shitty excuse for an airline – I can outline some of the more annoying things added to your fare when you purchase a ‘no frills’ Ryanair flight online, outside of airport taxes and vat which are, of course, actual real things.

– There’s the fee for booking online.

– There’s a fee for checking in online, too, which you can do 15 days beforehand. Which is good, because if you turn up to the airport without printing out your boarding pass or somehow having lost it in the intervening days, you will be charged £40 to print out a new one. Yes. £40. Unless they have machines at the airport where you can print a replacement (and many of Ryanair’s destination airports won’t). £40 for a 6-inch piece of cardboard.

– There are the fees for every piece of checked baggage. It should be noted here that the ‘only one carry-on bag’ rule is enforced more insanely by ryanair than any other airline. I was refused my ‘second piece of carry on luggage’ (a 75cl bottle of water) at the gate unless I could fit it in my handbag. Worth noting too, that Ryanair’s carry-on baggage allowance is smaller than anyone else, and a bag size around 1-inch smaller in all dimensions than standard luggage sizes. You can buy a special Ryanair-sized wheelie case that Ryanair have made in partnership with one particular bag company, but it costs £100 (and is too small to bother using as carry-on for any other airline).

– They’ll try and sell you ‘priority boarding’, and insurance, and all manner of other crap. Most of which is ‘opt out’ rather than ‘opt in’ during the booking process.

– About a billion other things that I can’t be arsed to dredge from my memory, and am hoping never to see again. They’d charge you for every yard of check-in terminal they made you shuffle along if they could. *Please god that doesn’t give them any ideas.*

Once at the airport, any passenger can expect to be treated like cattle, shuffled into straggling, unruly lines that have no organisation whatsoever because putting queueing barriers up makes pulling passengers for closing flights into a new line impossible. Pulling customers from the main queue to one for closing flights is always necessary, however, as the lines are always long, and slow, because there are only ever about two check-in desks open per thousand customers or so. But that’s the same for any budget airline.

For Ryanair, “Check-in desks” is the wrong term, though. These are bag drop desks. Strictly nothing else. Any customer who doesn’t realise, or has brought an extra bag they suddenly need to check, or left any other part of the aforementioned ridiculous booking system out, will be turned away (generally after an hour or so of queuing) to go to a ‘ticket sales desk’, where they will be able to purchase the right to check a bag, and pay any other fees. They will, of course, also need a new boarding pass printed out with the amount of luggage amended, which will cost them another £40. The ticket sales desk – at least on the day we were at Stanstead – claims to only take cash. They will then need to join the back of the ‘bag drop desk’ line again.

The choice of airports and location of such aside – my sister post “I Hate You, Stanstead, More Than Words Can Say” will be available at some point in the future – my main argument for the monumental suckage of Ryanair are the things that happen when you get on board.

On one 70 minute flight I took this last weekend, this is what happened:

– Before the doors closed, pompous classical pops were pumped through the onboard speakers. These were interrupted every minute or so by loud, aggressive adverts for J2O (“Now that you’ve made your flight, what better refreshment than an overpriced mediocre juice drink from concentrate etc? …”), Ryanair’s partnership with a car rental company, and for the ‘bar and bistro’ service we could look forward to, with several branded names of coffee, hot chocolate etc.

– As this was happening, cabin crew came round and handed out menus/price lists of the things mentioned on the advert and other available consumables. These were hilariously exorbitant. During the very short flight, the crew came round once for ‘pre-orders’, and the beverage trolley and bar came through the cabin three other times.

– Immediately after take-off, they played the J2O advert again, but REALLY LOUD.

I now hate j2O as well.

- “We will now be coming through the cabin selling copies of the independent newspaper for your inflight reading pleasure. These are £1.50 each” shouted the speakers above our heads, marking the moment the Independent sank lower in our estimation than ever before.

– “This is just an announcement” shouted the speakers mere seconds after the paperboy had made his way down the aisle “to remind customers that all Ryanair flights are now strictly NON SMOKING” – which seemed fair and reasonable. All of everyone’s flights are non-smoking… “To that end, we would like to offer the opportunity to buy some of Ryanair’s exclusive collection of smokeless cigarettes, which offer all the nicotine and experience of smoking that you want, but without the smoke, which you can use on any of or flights or airports, or anywhere else. We will now be passing through the cabin if you would like to purchase, or have any other questions”.

– The bar came through, doling out their ‘special offer’ of two spirit miniature bottles for the price of one, which is both irresponsible AND misleading, seeing as the price of one tiny miniature was already about eleventy billion pounds.

– After an announcement of several minutes and several dozen brand names length, a trolley came through offering perfumes and other duty-free type goods.

– After another announcement, the same trolley came through again, because there was a special offer this week on sports watches, and fuck knows we’d've hated to miss out on that.

– “Ladies and Gentlemen, it is our special pleasure to announce that it could be your lucky day. We will now be coming through the cabin offering Ryanair’s incredible scratchcards, offering incredible prizes and with some portion of the money that we won’t elaborate on going to children’s charities. You could win a car, cash, or even vouchers for Ryanair flights in the future” Oh what a treat. “And there’s a special offer meaning that these tickets are five for only ten pounds this week. We have a target of tickets to sell this flight, so please help us meet that as we pass through the cabin offering this remarkable opportunity.” They continued, like we had ANY vested interest in helping them meet their sales targets. Or any interest at all.

Literally, as soon as one sales pitch and product march up and down the aisle had ended, the next begun. As the flight ended, a fanfare went off, announcing that “Ta-da-ta-DAH! This Ryanair flight landed on time!”, and we were supposed to hand them some kind of mental medal for managing to do the ONE AND ONLY THING we had paid them to do in the first place: get to the place they were going, at the time they said they were going there. Because if you can’t charge people again, you might as well try and get a fucking round of applause out of them, right?

While I know that the cabin crew and staff of Ryanair are people doing their job, and that the decisions on policy and company personality are taken far above their heads, and that they are, at end of day, only following orders…

And while I know that it is not easy to deal with people who are grumpy and tired and fractious because they have been pushed around like cattle all day, I cannot but hate the job it is that they do. I hate the game, not the player, but it’s hard to differentiate the two sometimes. Particularly when the players are sometimes as astoundingly surly, dismissive and smugly unhelpful as some of the ryanair staff I’ve met. Still, poor lambs. It must be hard dreaming that one day you’d have all the glamour and travel and opportunity and responsibility of an airline steward/hostess/whatever-we’re-calling it-this-week, and then you end up a cross between a cheap chain-pub bartender and a market trader, with just a touch of prison guard thrown in for good measure.

I can’t fault your ability to tap into a market of travel industry glamour-seekers ready to have their souls crushed for a steady income and all the flights to third-rate regional airports they could dream of, Ryanair – but what you must do to source a steady stream of cut-price pilots, I shudder to imagine.

There’s just so much to hate about Ryanair.

Apart from the positive effect that after flying Ryanair, every other flight feels like a business class ticket on a luxury airline (even easyjet, who I flew with straight after ryanair yesterday. In comparison, it was like stepping into the rolls royce of air travel. seriously) there’s just so much about you, Ryanair, that sucks, that it’s hard to put a finger on what it is about the Ryanair experience infinitely worse than any other carrier – including, yes, the US domestics, before anyone says it. Why it is that one Ryanair flight can undo almost all the relaxation and calm that a week’s holiday might have given you? What is, if you’ll excuse my American colloquialisms, the epitome of suckiness that ensures though I intend to fly every which where and every which who in the future, I will never, ever fly Ryanair again?

The thing that sums up how much you suck and/or should be hated, vilified, and ignored, Ryanair, is this:

I think I realised it when I was trying to work out what the weird thing was about the seating area. It wasn’t legroom – heaven knows no airline has any of that anymore – it was the fact that the seat pockets have been completely removed. Presumably this is because it stops people trying to inconvenience the cabin crew by using them, then potentially leaving stuff in there, which would slow the cleaning process between the flights, and mean that the current practice of embarking the new passengers within ten minutes of disembarking the last lot would be subject to unthinkable holdups.

This means that the safety information about what to do if the plane crashes is given on a sticker, stuck to the back of the seat ahead at eye level for the whole flight, which is charming. But I realised another possible ramification of their taking the seat pockets away as we descended into London Stan… sorry, Remote East-Anglia Stanstead, and it sums up everything I hate about Ryanair, and why I hate them so very much.

It is this:

– Taking the seat pockets away means that there are no small, discreet white bags tucked into easy reach for passengers who might feel ill.

– Sick bags might not be the most important or glamorous part of flying, but there are plenty of people who get very nauseous in aeroplanes, whether due to nerves, or air pressure, or over-indulgence, or any combination of the above.

– Generally, people seem to get the most sick on the final descent. I don’t, generally, I’m lucky, but I’ve seen the change in pressure and usual turbulence at this point have some quite colourful effect on people around me on flights.

– It’s not a point at which a steward could be called to give you a sick bag (or sell you one, most likely) as they too will be strapped in to their seats for landing. And it’s generally not a sensation people plan for in advance.

– So it’s the fact that in the eventuality that the process of being in a landing plane (or whatever) makes you ill, your Ryanair passenger has no alternative but to vomit on their own lap.

- And then almost certainly be charged for the clean-up fee.

It’s this kind of thing that sums up for me all the most insidious, petty, mean things about the way Ryanair choose to treat their customers.

Bad service doesn’t cover it. It’s like an utter disdain, complete contempt for people who are fool enough to want to travel with them. It may be a great business model, but it’s a horrible attitude to have to your customers.  And,  just a really unpleasant way to treat people.

And that, Dear Ryanair, is why, though a trip I took this weekend will remain beautiful in my memory regardless of the fact we stupidly decided that Ryanair was the most efficient travel solution, it is not a mistake I will make again. I will find any other mode of travel, any other route, anything at all that ensures I never have to set foot on a Ryanair plane again.

Because you suck, Ryanair. Really, REALLY hard.

Regards

Anna"

Bloody brilliantly written


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31 Dec 2012 22:09 by Cove Robert Star rating. 214 posts Send private message

 Wooooooooooow!

Just to counterweight I actually like the coffee they serve.

 

Great read

 

Happy new year

 





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01 Jan 2013 10:42 by Nostradamus Star rating in Dublin y Catalunya. 26 posts Send private message

 

I strongly suspect that letter was initiated by  Michael o'Leary,secure in the knowledge,that  most  publicity is good publicity,and that  if he  ever read this  thread he would blow an extravagant kiss of thanks in the direction of original poster!   





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01 Jan 2013 12:52 by Sten46 Star rating in Hatton, Derbyshire &.... 246 posts Send private message

 

First - as a regular Ryanair flier between East Midlands an Murcia/Alicante (with no axe to grind in any way) I resent the comment about 'stupid enough to fly'!

Number two - try reading the terms and conditions BEFORE you book - everything you complain about is clearly stated therein.

Why didn't you put your 75cl bottle of water in your pocket? and if you didn't have a pocket big enough, why didn't you have the foresight to wear a jacket with one? - I always do and it's surprising jus how much I can get into the pockets!

If you're stupid enough to 'forget' to print out your boarding card, or barmy enough to loose it, or disorganised enough to forget it, then that's not anyone's problem but yours! After all, if you park your car contrary to the regulations then you get a parking ticket with a hefty fine and it teaches you not to do it again - why should it be any different breaking ANY airline's rules?

Insurance? Priority Boarding? - don't buy 'em!  Queues? - get to the airport a bit earlier.

We have used the same carry-on cases (NOT Ryanair's!) for over five years with NEVER a problem!

Overpriced crap on sale on board - then DON'T BUY IT - the choice is yours! Buy a drink at the airport before you leave and carry a couple of sandwiches with you.

The arrival fanfare? - usually cause for a bit of hilarity in my experience - but the fact remains, they have by far the best on-time/early arrival record, so why not flaunt it?

I suppose what I am trying to say is - play him at his own game; play within the rules - don't buy their food - don't buy their raffle/scratchcards/calendars - (you forgot to mention them!) - don't try to beat the system because, whether you like it or not, you will NOT get a cheaper ticket which is the sole reason we have used them so regularly for all this time.

I could go on and on about your comments (and your language, which I personally do not appreciate from a lady) but virtually all you complain about can be overcome with a bit of forethought, common sense and preparation. Sorry if it offends, but I get the feeling that you are one who tries to beat the system and shouts loudly when you get caught.

In conclusion - I want to travel from UK to Spain as cheaply as possible and in the shortest possible time. If either of those requirements didn't matter, then I would look elsewhere for my travel arangements. If they ever opened up the route, I would NOT fly to New York with Ryanair!

Steve.

 



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01 Jan 2013 13:48 by tamaraessex Star rating in Colmenar, Malaga. 508 posts Send private message

tamaraessex´s avatar
I'm with you on this Steve. In the summer I fly with them from Bournemouth to Málaga which is convenient and cheap. I rarely buy anything extra, occasionally a coffee. I have never forgotten my boarding pass (after all, I have to remember other things such as passport, house keys etc, so it's not too difficult to remember a boarding pass as well), and have never had my bag queried as it is exactly within their size allowance.

When I get on a bus I don't expect the same ride I would get in a taxi. Ryanair and Easyjet are just that - buses. Cheap and convenient. It's a service of moderately low quality for a very low price. I'm more than happy with it - it does what it says on the tin.

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01 Jan 2013 14:15 by Ziggyblue Star rating. 36 posts Send private message

Actually I agree with the poster.  A crap airline which I do everything I can to avoid because I do not want to be treated as cattle by the staff.  I now fly Flybe with takes all the stress out of flying for me but hey if you are happy with the airline that is fine.





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01 Jan 2013 14:32 by foxbat Star rating in Granada. 1114 posts Send private message

foxbat´s avatar

The 'Open Letter that says it all....'

Its actually been floating around the internet / blogosphere since at least July 10th 2010....

The original version can be seen here at http://littleredboat.co.uk/archives/date/2010/07

The author appears to be a particularly verbose American lady with an awful lot of time on her hands... see http://littleredboat.co.uk/about

MetGB... why bother posting this? Or rather why bother copy and pasting it...?

It's two and a half years old contains no fresh information... In fact and has been said many times before, from M.O'L's point of view any publicity is good publicity!

Those that regularly fly with Ryan will continue to do so; I personally wouldn't touch them with a bargepole, (never have and never will) (same goes for Squeezyjet, with whom once was quite enough, thank you) or Jet2, but that's simply because I prefer being treated like a human being and know that the men and women that make up the flight crews are similarly treated by their management.

Thirty minute turnrounds are pushing the limits of credibility... 40 minutes is just about do-able, and 50 minutes comfortable, unless its p*ssing down with rain, in which case an full hour beomes the minimum safe turn round time but these points are carefully avoided by the bean counters who run these low cost airlines. Rushing a turnround achieves nothing, it encourages short cuts and rushing a fix for a snag encountered on start-up or taxi is a recipe for disaster, think Madrid August 2008 Spanair JK5022..

I'm not a snob, just someone who was in the aviation biz for forty years and has seen what used to be a relatively pleasurable experience demoted to a point where one has to ask if matters can actually get any worse... I will fly with anyone with a proven track record of good safe practices and doesn't try to ram down my throat extras for which I have absolutely no need.

The airport experience at any major airport these days is something to be avoided at all costs, irrespective of the airline that one is flying with and irrespective of the country in which they are flying, but the influx of low cost airlines has determined a high throughput of passengers. It really doesn't matter how good the airport is; there are always choke points where it becomes a one-to-one experience, and it all takes time. Those passengers who turn up at the airport just minutes before a flight closes, those who turn up without the airlines required documentation, those who check-in on time but then disappear into the bar or shops and fail to answer calls for their presence at the gate, these are the people who c*ck up the system. Frankly they deserve all they get.

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01 Jan 2013 14:38 by chaddyowl Star rating in Manchester. 1264 posts Send private message

chaddyowl´s avatar

What a rant!!!!!! HAHAHA

As Steve says it does what it says on the tin..

Use it as a cheap way to get where you want to go, read the instructions like you would with anything else you weren't familiar with and hey presto your quids in!

You sound like all the people I see at airports that scream and rant when they get busted for trying to cheat the system and take up all the overhead locker room and sit in the middle seat etc etc etc LOL

** EDITED - Against forum rules **

 




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01 Jan 2013 14:45 by MetGB Star rating. 52 posts Send private message

well at least one person is informed, cheers foxbat.    I thought the quotation marks were a clue!   Seems not hahahahahaha.   I had only just come across the rant and found it highly entertaining, as well as a fairly honest opinion of this particular airline.   I also would never use such a brutal company that shows total distain for it's customers.

 


This message was last edited by MetGB on 01/01/2013.



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01 Jan 2013 17:30 by eggcup Star rating. 567 posts Send private message

We recently booked Ryanair flights for £42 return Bristol to Malaga, going out in the afternoon and returning a little bit late at nearly midnight, but pretty good times of day, I'd say.  At those prices I'm very happy to splash out a fiver on a little bottle of wine - we always take our own food.  I don't know what people expect for that money.  And like other posters have said, it's not that hard to not get caught out and we also have used the same suitcases for over five years.  It is annoying when they ask us to put each one into the little contraption they've got, when they're clearly all the same size, but I can live with that at the incredibly low prices. I don't see the problem.  No-one's forcing anyone to fly with them - you can pay three times the price to fly with someone else.  If we were to go with easyjet we'd have to leave home at 3am.  I'd fly with anyone rather than go at that ungodly hour. 



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01 Jan 2013 18:07 by Lifeline Star rating in Murcia. 367 posts Send private message

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 We never seem to have a problem with Ryanair. Besides, find me a CHEAPER airline and I might consider travelling with them.



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01 Jan 2013 18:18 by I_Love_javea Star rating in Gibraltar / Morocco .... 125 posts Send private message

No problems here with Ryanair! New planes, courteous staff, cheap fairs and on time. I have two sons at uni in UK and third in royal navy, so we fly minimum of 30 flights a year and have never had any thing to complain about. I think inverted snobbery is the problem!

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01 Jan 2013 18:53 by BrianLA Star rating in Nottingham/Los Alcaz.... 16 posts Send private message

I always choose to travel Ryanair because they are simply much, much cheaper than Jet 2 who are the other airline on the East Midlands - Murcia San Javier route.

As for hidden charges, the Ryanair website lists all the baggage and other chargeson the "Terms and Conditions" page. A simple bit of mental arithmetic is all that is required if I'm intending on doing something that incurs an additional charge (which is entirely my choice).

The same page on the Jet 2 website says "If you wish to check-in baggage for carriage in the hold of the aircraft, we levy a charge for this which will be notified at the time of booking and which may vary depending on the length of the flight and when and how you purchase your booking." Not very transparent at all.

 



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01 Jan 2013 19:30 by irenemontague Star rating in liverpool/carvajal . 795 posts Send private message

Hi MetGB i have never read this before  so glad you have postered it.

Happy new year to all on eye on spain Irene





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02 Jan 2013 11:14 by Team GB Star rating. 1245 posts Send private message

Team GB´s avatar

 

Is it really to much trouble to stand where you are surpposed to stand, carrry what you are surpposed to carry and have the information with you that you are surpposed to have - Is it really to much trouble to sit quietly for two hours, speak when you are spoken to and maybe even smile warmly at the overworked cabin crew, safe in the knowledge that in a short time you will be at the destination of your choice at very little cost.

 

 



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02 Jan 2013 12:13 by I_Love_Javea Star rating in Gibraltar / Morocco .... 125 posts Send private message

 I am flying Ryanair again tomorrow, I have downloaded a film to watch enroute. I will board the plane last and will almost certainly (never failed me yet) get one of the (so-called "reserved seats") over the wings with extra leg room at no extra cost. 2 Hours later I will arrive on time and for half the price it has cost me to drive and leave my car at the airport parking. Now I think that really is a good deal! I paid €35 per ticket all in!



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02 Jan 2013 14:15 by Tamsin Star rating. 169 posts Send private message

My husband and I had to use up some travel vouchers so we booked a holiday in Goa through a travel agent and the  flight is by Monarch???

Nothing could be worse than that but you have to weigh up - it is either that or not go at all .  We travelled to Mexico by Monarch but we will be prepared now with more food and drink and  it is an evening flight and my husband and I do not have to sit together. I would rather have a good seat in the aisle .

I don't like Ryannaire but if it flies to / leaves from the nearest airport then I would use them but  then it is only the 2 of us and we have most of what  we want at our apartment.   .


ttake haea



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02 Jan 2013 18:44 by MetGB Star rating. 52 posts Send private message

Hi Tamsin I have flown with various airlines to Goa, Monarch, BA and  Qatar and I have to say that Emirates are by far the very best.  But of course if it's down to cost then you get what you pay for.  And as I see it these cheap crappy airlines have lowered everyones expectations and standards, so that most people have forgotten what quality is all about when flying and are only to grateful to have a seat to sit on.  The cheaper alternative to Goa is Virgin to Delhi and then at the airport get a flight to Dabolim, that works out very good value and the food and comfort on Emirates is wonderful.  Thankfully Ryanair doesn't fly to Goa.  I cannot imagine a long haul with that airline.  I would rather walk!  Someone posted something on here last year showing the cheapest and most expensive airlines and if my memory serves me correctly, Ryanair came almost top of the list as being the most expensive, comparing like for like ie all the hidden extras.  Perhaps someone remembers that blog?





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03 Jan 2013 06:32 by Sten46 Star rating in Hatton, Derbyshire &.... 246 posts Send private message

 

Just idle curiosity, really. but an open question to all who say they 'wouldn't touch Ryanair/Jet2/Easyjet etc with a bargepole' - if you needed to get from, say, Alicante to the East Midlands and back on a regular basis - probably eight or ten times a year  - how would you do it?

Steve



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03 Jan 2013 11:43 by foxbat Star rating in Granada. 1114 posts Send private message

foxbat´s avatar

In my case the choice would be ALC -LHR by British Airways... 70€ one way all included 25th Jan...

But since I am highly unlikely to ever use either ALC or EMA the question is hypothetical.... problem is that EMA is essentially a lo-co airport...

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