Child at Risk. Help Needed

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27 Aug 2010 00:00 by BreadMan Star rating. 4 posts Send private message

I lived with a woman for three years (In Dublin Ireland). She had a child (no father), who I took on as my own. After three years I was very close to the child but her mother refused to take any parental responsibility. The relationship with my ex and I finally got its death blow when she came home with a air core quartermaster (50 years old) and announced that since he had more money than me, she was going to be with him. He, however, was more interested in her daughter than my ex, it should be mentioned that the daughter was 6 years old at the time. When he realised I wasn't leaving and daughter was phoning me every day, he left.

Mother and daughter then moved to Belfast where the mother used her daughter to blackmail me by withholding food, warm clothes, etc. When I tried giving money the daughters situation got worse as the mother thought this was a good method of extracting money from of me. Repeated offers to pay for anything that the daughter needed was rejected as the mother wanted cash.

After approximately 6 months in Belfast I began legal proceedings to gain custody of the child. It was made clear to me that there was a near guarantee of me getting custody of the child as social services had been monitoring the situation for quite some time. Six days before the court date the mother smuggled her daughter through Dublin Airport to Israel as they were stopped from leaving through Belfast international.

Israel will not deport a child which made them, effectively, legal and I cannot enter Israel as I overstayed my visa in the past. They lived in Israel for two years where I had very little contact. I do know that child welfare was heavily involved to the point where the mother smuggled her daughter out of the country, apparently on false documents as a result of pending action from child services.

They have recently arrived in Cadiz or Seville Spain but I do not yet know exactly where. The daughter is now eleven. She has been taken out of school four times for six months at a time, locked in rooms from the age of five while mother goes out and blocked from having friends. In Israel the mother had sufficient control to use the phone to ensure her daughter went straight home after school and remain alone until mother got home in the evening. She was denied contact with all family and family figures and wasn't always given enough food. Constant movement also makes the concept of a home difficult. In her life the daughter has had moved to a new city/country more than twelve times. Since daughter was taken away from me (four years ago) she has had to get used to at least five different men who have been romantically involved with her mother, presumably for financial reasons.

I accept that as much as I would love to have the daughter back as my own, after this length of time, that might not be possible but is there anything that can be done to have daughter placed where she can get the basics i.e. Food, clothes, home, education, friends, family environment and stability?


This message was last edited by BreadMan on 27/08/2010.

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27 Aug 2010 10:20 by redsam79 Star rating in Los Pacos, Costa del.... 192 posts Send private message

Something does not add up here, and if the child is at risk (the title of your post) you are in the wrong place asking for help.



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27 Aug 2010 12:51 by EOS Team Star rating in In Spain of course!. 4017 posts Send private message

EOS Team´s avatar

That's some story.  I'm really not sure what help we could offer here.  There is the equivalent of social services in Spain so maybe Maria, who often posts here, can offer some guidance there.

But I assume that unless you know exactly where they are it will be difficult to get anything done.  Cadiz and Seville are MASSIVE areas so it's a bit like needle in a haystack really.

You are obviously a very caring person but not sure how we can help.

Best of luck.



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27 Aug 2010 13:02 by MexMaya Star rating. 30 posts Send private message

Do you know the woman´s passport number?  Or passport number of the child?  If they are staying in accomm anywhere in Spain then someone should be able to trace them this way - its a long shot but worth a try.

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27 Aug 2010 13:56 by suemac Star rating in Jumilla, Murcia. 1001 posts Send private message

Do you have a recent photo of the child?  We are going to Seville next week, and though it is extremely unlikely that we would spot her, you never know.  Good luck with your search.



 Sue Walker

Author of "Retiring the Ole Way", now available on Amazon

See my blog about our life in Spain:

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08 Sep 2010 16:55 by Caz.I Star rating. 19 posts Send private message

If this is a genuine post then, as someone says, you should contact social services or the police, since kidnapping is illegal.

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09 Sep 2010 00:20 by Hamibabe Star rating in West Mids. 1317 posts Send private message


I really hope that your story is genuine.

America & England have the worse Social services but fortunatly Spain along with other european countries are far better.

I hate to add bad news to this already very distressing story but I really would not take anything that the UK ss told you as gospel

But that is another story & this thread may not ever see the light of day anyway.

All I can advise is that you either contact the spanish police or maybe the court of Human Rights in the Hauge (Sorry folks but I dont have spell check on eos). Do not have the address but would be happy to try and obtain it for you.

Pm me if you wish

Best wishes



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10 Sep 2010 00:28 by BreadMan Star rating. 4 posts Send private message

I have tried to contact the relevant Spanish authorities, but the language barrier is proving to be a problem.You are wright about the English Social services and the Irish are worse. The mother gets sole custody irrespective of circumstance's.

I've think they are in Cadiz, walking distance from the university and one street from the beach. Mother has a job at night, but when she's at work Daughter is left at home alone. When mother sleeps in the day, daughter is with her.

Mother is talking about sending daughter to a boarding school, but so far I cant find one that will take a eleven year old girl who is behind in all respects. If any one knows of a place that will take daughter in, even temporary, that will give me a something to work with.

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10 Sep 2010 06:30 by great2010 Star rating. 10 posts Send private message

If this situation is real,i think the right  way to deal with is the help from the society and the government~

they can give the powerfull and right hand to you

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10 Sep 2010 11:56 by maylin Star rating in Andalucia and Hertfo.... 71 posts Send private message


                   You really need some professional help.

This is Spain and here people do speak Spanish, so language will be a problem. You need someone who speaks the language.

I know Cadiz quite well and although large it is not enormous. I think with some professional help you might stand a chance. They would need to speak Spanish though. With autumn and winter coming it will be easier.

You seem to know quite a lot about their location and situation.

If you don't speak Spanish how have you managed to research the boarding school?

On reading your original post it appears that you nearly had custody in Belfast. Did the case proceed in her absence and the court give you custody?  It appears to me that her actions would warrant it. I think from a legal point of view that is where this proceedure should start.

It may cost you some money but professional help is what you need, Lawyer/Investigator. I do not believe you will find her on here, only with some help on the ground.

I do believe with the information you have it is possible.

You have asked for help and the only help I can give is advice as above.

As suemac said previously it would be highly unlikely that she would be spotted, even if there was a photo available.

I do go to Cadiz fairly frequently and if you had anything more 'concrete' I could 'ask around'. I do speak Spanish.

Oh before I go - People, I know it is 'fashionable' to knock the UK. But let's not turn this thread, which if true, is a serious one, into a UK social services bashing one. No they are not perfect - Nowhere is Perfect. I have lived here since the '80's and the UK for many many years as well. You can compare lots of things and say 'This is better there, this is worse there'. I think most people try their best under difficult circumstances and restraint. I say enjoy the best bits of both and enjoy life.  Very sorry rant over.

BreanMan good luck in your quest but I feel you need professional help.




This message was last edited by maylin on 10/09/2010.


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10 Sep 2010 12:42 by FibbyUK Star rating in UK, Surrey & Playa F.... 2349 posts Send private message

FibbyUK´s avatar

 I have been reading this thread from the outset.

Like Maylin, i am curious as to how Breadman knows so much about their whereabouts

Knowing the Mother is thinking of sending this child to boarding school

Knowing they are one road from the beach, walking distance from the University.

Sorry if I sound sceptical, so please enlighten us as to how you know so much information but are not in touch with Mother or Daughter?

I understand this could be a very important situation, I have tried not to read between the lines, but some things just don't add up.



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10 Sep 2010 13:56 by TechNoApe Star rating in Duquesa, Manilva. 1278 posts Send private message

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The only possible way I think, other than direct contact, that breadman would know the 'possible' whereabouts of 'his ex and this child' would be via a private detective.

I've read both posts, and in the first post you state that you started legal proceedings to gain custody of the child and "It was made clear to me that there was a near guarantee of me getting custody of the child as social services had been monitoring the situation for quite some time."

My partner used to work for social services in the UK dealing with foster children and monitoring them and their foster parents, and she stated that she can't understand how the Irish Social Services and/or Irish courts would even consider giving you custody of the child in question.

The child would have been taken into care by Social Services well before any court case deciding custody, and I doubt the would even consider giving you custody, as you were just one of the mothers partners for three years.

I really doubt this story, especially the way that you have divulged it in this manner.

If it was (is) indeed real, then I would have imagined a much more direct approach for help in contacting the relevant authorities here in Spain other than divulging so much information that would not need to be divulged.

In your last post you say "If any one knows of a place that will take daughter in, even temporary, that will give me a something to work with" which is asking for someone to take in the child, which would be illegal and tantamount to kidnap!

I personally am having nothing more to do with this topic, and urge everyone else to do the same.

Go to the Police and/or engage a Lawyer in the area.


This message was last edited by TechNoApe on 10/09/2010.


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10 Sep 2010 14:00 by Cove Robert Star rating. 214 posts Send private message

 I talked to a friend who works for the Social Services here in Ireland and he recommended to get in touch with the

National Education Welfare Board in Ireland.

He also said to take this with a huge pinch of salt!




This message was last edited by Cove Robert on 10/09/2010.

This message was last edited by Cove Robert on 10/09/2010.

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11 Sep 2010 03:28 by BreadMan Star rating. 4 posts Send private message

I do have limited contact with mother and daughter by phone, but I have to be very nice to mother, She's never given me a land line. I said I think they are in Cadiz as that is where mother told me they are staying. Mother asked me to help find a boarding school and no I've not been able to do any research other than one school that has an English web page.
I nearly had custody because I can prove abuse and Daughter was begging to live with me. No the case didn't proceed in her absence.
Since mother is looking for a boarding school it would be with her consent and not kidnapping.
The direct approach I would prefer, but I've not yet found which relevant authority in Cadiz.
I've also got to be careful as if mother suspects welfare involvement she will change country again and if she thinks I'm behind it, I'll loose contact. This is why I would rather get Daughter in a boarding school first and then involve the Spanish authorities via the school.
P.S. I wish I didn't have to admit to being such a poor juge of carictor as to try to marrey such a woman.

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12 Sep 2010 12:32 by claire T Star rating in Torremendo, Orihuela. 689 posts Send private message

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Hi Breadman - I was a Social Services Manager before I moved to live in Spain and I too am confused about some aspects of your story.   

However, in my opinion, the best way to proceed would be to contact the Social Worker, or their manager, who last had responsibility for the case in Ireland.  They will know all the details of the previous concerns and the court case.  They can either contact International Social Services (which is an agency which operates on behalf of local authorities throughout the world) or the local spanish social services office in Cadiz.  Finding the child is obviously the first hurdle, but you do seem to know a lot of information so the correct authorities would be able to trace her if she is attending school at present.




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20 Sep 2010 16:51 by Karensun Star rating in Orihuela Costa. 1474 posts Send private message

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SO.........what has happened to this situation?????

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23 Sep 2010 09:47 by BreadMan Star rating. 4 posts Send private message

SO.........what has happened to this situation?????


Daughter has started at a school. Further than that I don't know. I can't find any child welfare organisation that speaks English.

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23 Sep 2010 10:48 by suemac Star rating in Jumilla, Murcia. 1001 posts Send private message

Hi Breadman

My suggestion would be to do as Claire suggests, passing on all relevant information.  The next time you are contacted, maybe you could offer to send a small amount of money?  That way this woman would have to pass on enough details for you to send money, which might help track her down.

Good luck.




 Sue Walker

Author of "Retiring the Ole Way", now available on Amazon

See my blog about our life in Spain:

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