JOKES PLEASE .. IN HERE

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26 Apr 2007 10:22 PM by eric Star rating in redcar uk/sierra gol.... 263 posts Send private message

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27 Apr 2007 9:50 AM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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28 Apr 2007 2:32 AM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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28 Apr 2007 2:39 AM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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28 Apr 2007 2:46 AM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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28 Apr 2007 7:15 PM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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29 Apr 2007 10:58 AM by denny Star rating. 23 posts Send private message

  Is this story true!!!!

Barbara Walters, of Television's 20/20, did a story on gender roles in
Kabul , Afghanistan , several years before the Afghan conflict. She
noted that women customarily walked 5 paces behind their husbands.
From Miss Walter's vantage point, despite the overthrow of the
oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back
behind their husbands and are happy to maintain the old custom.
Miss Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do
you now seem happy with the old custom that you once tried so
desperately to change?"

The woman looked Miss Walters straight in the eyes and -without
hesitation --
said:


"Land Mines"

MORAL OF THE STORY:  BEHIND EVERY MAN IS A SMART WOMAN.

 




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30 Apr 2007 12:29 AM by JeansSis Star rating. 2376 posts Send private message

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30 Apr 2007 5:33 PM by eric Star rating in redcar uk/sierra gol.... 263 posts Send private message

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01 May 2007 3:05 PM by eric Star rating in redcar uk/sierra gol.... 263 posts Send private message

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01 May 2007 3:06 PM by eric Star rating in redcar uk/sierra gol.... 263 posts Send private message

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03 May 2007 10:44 PM by eric Star rating in redcar uk/sierra gol.... 263 posts Send private message

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03 May 2007 10:46 PM by eric Star rating in redcar uk/sierra gol.... 263 posts Send private message

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04 May 2007 1:08 PM by FibbyUK Star rating in UK, Surrey & Playa F.... 2349 posts Send private message

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A man checked into a hotel in Australia. There was a computer in his room so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile somewhere in England, a widow had just returned from her husbands funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting to find messages of condolence from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor and saw a message on the computer screen which

read:

To My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Arrived

Date; 01 April 2007

I know you'll be suprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones.

I've just arrived and have been checked in and I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Look forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Its damn hot down here!!



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04 May 2007 6:06 PM by eric Star rating in redcar uk/sierra gol.... 263 posts Send private message

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05 May 2007 1:20 AM by FibbyUK Star rating in UK, Surrey & Playa F.... 2349 posts Send private message

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A friend of mine took her rabbit to the vet.

What's the problem said the vet.

Well she said, my rabbit has a bit of lettuce stuck in it's bottom, it just wont shift.

Let's have a look said the vet.

Ahhhh, he said, inspecting the rabbit's nether region, I see the problem now.

What is it said my friend, is it something serious?

 

Well, said the vet, this is just the tip of the iceberg........................



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05 May 2007 1:23 AM by FibbyUK Star rating in UK, Surrey & Playa F.... 2349 posts Send private message

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Just thought it would be a "laugh" to see if Justin's new "see when someone replies to this thread" option works!

I checked the box when I posted my "rabbit" joke.

Watch this space...........................



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09 May 2007 10:10 PM by ericfin Star rating in redcar/balsicas near.... 6 posts Send private message

one for my irish friends


      Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his
drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his
wife, Mary.

      He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their
upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught
himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he
landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket
broke and made the landing especially painful.

      Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and
looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and
bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and
began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw
blood.

      He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and
stumbled his way to bed.

      In th e morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head
and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

      She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

      Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

      "Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the
broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of
blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes,
but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.







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10 May 2007 1:50 AM by FibbyUK Star rating in UK, Surrey & Playa F.... 2349 posts Send private message

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Actual writings on charts in Hospitals
 
1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
6. Patient has chest pain if she lies; on her left side for over a year.
7. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
10. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
11. Healthy appearing decrepit 59-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.


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10 May 2007 1:58 AM by FibbyUK Star rating in UK, Surrey & Playa F.... 2349 posts Send private message

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Another one for Ericfn's Irish friends.........be proud!

 
A man boarded an aircraft at Heathrow and took his seat. As he settled in he noticed  a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she
was heading straight towards his seat and bingo! she took the seat right beside him.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in the United States".
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous blonde he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian
who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.  We have also found that the best potential lovers in all
categories are the Irish."
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know
your name."
"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy...


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One off fee to pay your own La Renta tax (210 Form)
Check out my website:

http://www.payingtaxesinspain210form.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/

 




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