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Remarkable Stories from a Spanish Bar

For you to enjoy the unbelievable stories and unforgettable characters of a Spanish Bar! Some so outrageous that you couldn't make them up !

Donkey Man
03 April 2013 @ 13:23

 Donkey man 

At the beginning we didn't know people's names so we gave them nick names, as time went on they stuck mainly because there are so many Juan's, Jose's, Paco's, Jesus's and Antonio's. 
We had a book where we wrote down the customers bill, so we didn't over or under charge anyone. In Spain it is normal to have a tab running and pay when you want to leave. We had a rule that we didn't take the book over to the bar or table to work out the bill.
Most of the them had nice names like - Smiler, Smiler Jose, Family, Elady, Twin, Alconter, Los Zolios, walking Pepe, Football, Goalie, Teacher, Alcaponie, old neighbor, beard, chain saw, red t-shirt,group,young group, Antonio wood, curry girls, Donkey man. As you can see they relate to where they live, what they look like or what they do for the most part.
Because sometimes if a customer was difficult they may have been written down as w***er or a.h. You never know who can read English and we didn't want to offend anyone, especially if they were already difficult.
On one occasion however this system failed us big time a staff member had written down a group of young girls down as 'fatty' because the first to order was large, then she took the book over, unfortunately her friends could read English, the table erupted into laughter, I could have killed her.
Luckily no offense was taken and the group continued to come in. 

On another occasion the same member of staff, got very confused as Barry had written down Elady. We left the staff member in charge, to enjoy some family time away from the bar. She told us later that she was confused because she though it was a lady selling 'e's' the drugs and she didn't think there was that problem in our small town. Also she thought it was odd her bill was only 1€, couldn't be selling much. Barry had only written down Elady because he couldn't spell her name but knew it began with an 'e'. We had to laugh at that classic, misunderstanding of our nickname system.


Now for Donkey man, named so because he would arrive on his white Donkey ! He was in his late eighties and we would see him, slowly making his way towards the bar, the Donkey that looked as old as he was. He would then tie it to the climbing frame in the park, at the back of the bar. So Spanish, what a treat to see. He would come in order his coffee with brandy, then ask me to speak English to him and teach him words, like table. He would then repeat the word 'table' and roll around laughing. Then he would move outside a fall asleep, bless him. Sometimes he would have a sin alcohol beer and want to try a new tapa, he was a game old man, up for every new experience he could get. He told me he wasn't allowed alcohol, which is why the beer was always sin, and brandy of course isn't alcohol. Always amazed me the amount of customers who don't drink alcohol, but would have brandy or whiskey in their coffee, because that's not alcohol.
One day Donkey man met some of his family in the bar who went to great lengths to tell me how because he was on medication he wasn't to have alcohol. They ordered a bottle of wine and tapas, I gave them three glass, then was told 'no, we need four, one for him too' another glass for Donkey man that isn't allowed to drink, so wine doesn't count either. I am relieved wine doesn't count as I like a glass or two !
The bar wasn't the only place that Donkey man visited. He would turn up at a friend of ours house have a beer or two (with alcohol), have a chat, then fall asleep in the chair all afternoon. Our friend,some times drove him to see relatives in the next village from us, it was too far for the donkey. A good man he would wait to bring him home, because of that he would arrive home laden with goodies, vegetables, eggs, cakes the list goes on.
I am told Donkey man was one of the riches men in the village, although you wouldn't believe it to look at him, I am told he didn't believe in banks so all the money was hidden round the house. I have no idea where he lived, but again I am told it wasn't luxury.

One fateful day the donkey died, it just dropped died. Donkey man didn't believe in giving the poor animal too much water, it was a very hot day, so that may have contributed to it's demise.
There is no question that he loved that donkey and was seen begging it to get up that day, it was the beginning of the end for donkey man. After only a matter of days he had a fall and was moved to the local hospital for old people, he was died within two weeks.

A medium came to see me at the bar one day, and I was delighted when it turned out that donkey man still visited our bar. In fact when I said 'it's Donkey man', he laughed, so must have liked his nick man. 

Next time more of why the customers had the nick names they did.....

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