Daily Mail Scaremongering?

Maria

You know this is the Spanish way and beyond what contact might arise with other parents through children the Spanish hardly ever socialise outside the family.

Part of the problem is Spanish families are so large there is no room for outsiders and when the do meet they spend all their time talking of the family so they certainly don't want a stranger joining in there. I am not only talking of English people as strangers but also other Spanish unless they have lived side by side all their lives and then they are regarded as almost family and will be offered a chair at the table or on the porch etc

The benefit being old grandparents, aunts & uncles all get looked after and looked after very well and family members accept their responsibility.

There of course some exceptions time but it is not the norm.

Dear Faro:

I do not agree with you friend. I assure you just need the effort of the language

Let´s do a test!

Maria

 You are both right aren't you?   First, of course the language is key - and really worth the slog to get up to a reasonable standard.  Yes, the Spanish are more family centred, but I don't think the lack of invitations to dinner parties or lunch is the problem.  What the Spanish really do like to do is to  talk.  The guy who delivers the morning bread talks at length, about the weather, the economy, the fiesta. The bars we use have people who will sit and talk to you for hours, and any one coming to do a job for us or a neighbour is more than happy to talk over a glass of wine or whatever.  But you have to have the language.  I would say you need more than just being polite, though that is of course a start!!  

Maria

I give up - you win!

But an English person can speak all the Spanish they want but I guarantee they will never receive an invite to any function in my family and most Spanish families are the same in that regard. To cross that line you have to be a lot more than a mere acquintance becuase there are no casual invites.

This is all part of Spanish family values.

 Faro, functions and dinner parties will not help the woman who is feeling isolated.  She needs daily interaction to stop her feeling too lonely.  But I would have to say, there are plenty of Spanish families who develop  close relationships with 'outsiders'.  Certainly I know people who have been invited to weddings etc when they become very close.

Faro:

Utterly disagree. Rather the contrary and specially in South Spain we become friends of people in one click.

where do you live? what type of neighbourhood?

Cheers,

Maria

Faro, I can assure you, as in the UK, it depends where one lives.

Although all the Brits I know here (Lorca area) try very hard to learn the language, most  failing miserably, they have been invited to the homes for dinner and reunions with our Spanish neighbours and they to us. Live in a predominately Brit enclave then it's like at a wedding both sides stay in their own groups. Jump in at the deep end here and you will find nuestros vecinos will go out of their way to help you integrate.

Unfortunately, regardless of nationality, a woman on her own, of  any age, has a greater difficulty  to socialise and tends to only be invited to anything if the host has a gentleman spare.  Who says it isn't a man's world !!

But an English person can speak all the Spanish they want but I guarantee they will never receive an invite to any function in my family and most Spanish families are the same in that regard. To cross that line you have to be a lot more than a mere acquintance becuase there are no casual invites.

This is all part of Spanish family values.

I think this is pretty much spot on.  We have found it very difficult to meet Spaniards where we are (Western Costa Del Sol), despite having a Spanish wife.  I knew more Spaniards back in the UK!  Part of the reason is because we live in Little Britain, but the main reason is as you say - Spanish families are very closely knit and do everything together.

Thankfully it's a different story for us when we visit my wife's family/relatives in Jaen and Madrid. 

Ever since we've been here we are invited for noche buena & noche vieja every year & no isn't taken for an answer !  There's normally between 14 & 20 there. We are regularly invited to other neighbours as well. Next door my neighbour does say it's a bit like the united nations as here brothers girlfriend is brazilian, one sons fiancée is Russian & speaks english & spanish as well. Another son s girlfriend is Colombian , whilst the daughters partner is from Morocco. Another 2 sons speak varying english. Ilearnt long ago the need to kep up with ,not only spanish news but world affairs as it's brought up daily. Berlusconi, Gaddaffi, ( long before these middle east problems ) , North Korea. All are daily topics along with the economy, prices, football , etc; etc.

I think it may be easier to integrate if you live further inland, where there aren't so many expats around, and obviously if you try to speak the language.  We have received many invitations from our Spanish friend and her husband, and her sister-in-law and husband are usually there plus, at various times, other members of their family.  The invitations have now been extended to include a couple of English friends of ours whom they have met and who have the advantage of having a car to drive us to their house! 

We have had a couple of parties in our apartment where we have invited both expat friends and Spanish neighbours, and they have also invited us into their homes.  British people we know who live in smaller Spanish villages in this area say that their neighbours are equally friendly, and they have been invited to weddings etc.  We often get told that we are "vecinos" or "Jumillanos" and so we are made welcome everywhere we go and invited to join in local fiestas. Our Spanish is still pretty basic, however we try to make ourselves understood and we are finding that it does get easier as time goes by.

We know far more of our neighbours here than we knew in London!

Sue