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Arguing about all sorts: the third year of our Spanish adventure

This account of our life in Spain is loosely based on true events although names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals. I have tried to recreate events, locales and conversations from my memories and from my diaries of the time. I may have also changed identifying characteristics and details of individuals such as appearance, nationality or occupations and characters are often an amalgam of different people that I met.

Being used by expats (or not).
Sunday, July 20, 2014 @ 4:37 PM

One day we were at the bar when Pepe López  came up to us and asked if we could help a British woman with un problema (neither could speak the other's language). Adrian went to where she was standing and it turned out we knew exactly who she was. She was a woman around 40 with a couple of young children in tow, whom we'd come across a few times. Both she and the children looked like they hadn’t washed in a million years. However, we'd heard she had a tidy sum of money and didn’t need to work. She owned a house in Adreimal and another in La Gloria. In fact, we'd bumped into her the previous month walking in the street in La Gloria.
'Hey. Can you tell me if the school in the village is any good?' she asked, without bothering with the social niceties. 'Because I'm thinking of moving down here, if it is.' 
Adrian said later: 'I hope to God she doesn't move here. I was hoping the Adreimal lot wouldn't get wind of this place.'
She was 'woman with white van.' This was a phenomenon in Adreimal – there were loads of them, women who could be seen riding high up on the leather seats, using all their might to tug and pull on the stiff steering wheels. They had scraggly looking kids and good-for-nothing men, who would lounge about in the crusties' bar. 
On another occasion when we bumped into her in La Gloria she was attempting to manoeuvre said van down a very narrow street. 
'Hey. Is  is possible to take the van as far as my house down the end of this road?' she asked Adrian. 'Because I've got a whole load of gear I want to unload.'
'No it definitely isn’t,' he replied. 'There's nowhere you can turn at the bottom. You'll have to park here and walk down or you could get into a right mess.'
The road tapered to a point and we'd seen a few people get into bother; if your car didn't have a lot of guts it was a hell of a job reversing back up the hill. 
She drove straight down it and got stuck. We watched as she then got some of the local men to help her get the van back up the hill. My question is: why bloody ask if you’re not going to listen? Anyway, that pissed us off and we decided there and then that she could just get on with it. We’d left Adreimal to escape drippy hippy types like her (who only spoke to you when they wanted something).
Anyway, back to the bar and Adrian being taken over to speak to her. 
‘I’m in a bit of a fix,’ she said, ‘my van has broken down and I need someone to give me a lift back to Adreimal’ (which was a one and a half hour round trip). 
‘I can't think of anyone here who could do that,’ Adrian said, although I could tell he was wavering. He can't resist a woman in distress. 
'You can't do it,' I warned him. 'You've been drinking. You can't drive up dark country roads for the likes of her or anyone else, when you're over the limit.' 
He told her he couldn't help.
'We're hungry,' she said then.
'Well, you've got time. If you're quick you can get stuff in the Coviran across the road. It shuts at 9.'
She ignored that.
‘I don’t know what to do,' she said.
Adrian explained what was going on to Pepe.
'Tell her to call her breakdown service,' he said. 'It comes automatically as part of your insurance policy.' 
So Adrian translated. 
‘No, I haven’t got any insurance’ she replied. (She could buy two houses but not car insurance) 
‘And the children are hungry,’ she added for effect. 
‘Well, if you don't want to go to the shop,’ Adrian said, 'they can easily do you some raciones here in the bar. They're still cooking.'
She didn't seem to hear.
‘But I’ve got to get back tonight,’ she continued,' and I’ve ‘phoned and asked everyone I know in Adreimal if they can come and give me a lift and none of them can.’ 
That didn’t surprise us; those people didn’t have friends just people who mutually tried to use each other. 
‘Well, if I were you,' Adrian suggested, sitting back down at our table, 'I’d sleep in your house here and then get a bus in the morning,’ and with that, he turned his chair back to face me. 
'I know what she was after,' he said to me. 'She knows I can't give her a lift so she wants us to offer her a meal and a bed for the night. Well, she's got money and she's got a house.' 
We'd had our fingers burned so many times in Adreimal that we just weren't having it. We'd allowed ourselves to be used so many times, that we'd lost count. 
The usual way had been the amount of meals we'd made for people who rarely or never reciprocated. We kept doing it, because we liked company and I was a 'feeder.'  But we started to get cute about it.
So one day, when Vicky and Harry had a friend and her son staying, Adrian and I took a liking to these Cymrophiles (people who like all things Welsh, including us, having lived in Cardiff - they even liked my accent, which was a first) and invited them all down, with Ingrid (Vicky's sister) and her son too, and Vicky and Harry's kids, making twelve of us in total. I set myself the challenge of making the cheapest meal with the cheapest ingredients that I possibly could, just because they so rarely had us back. So I made vegetarian spaghetti Bolognese with two jars of lentils, at 17 cents a jar! And I used the cheapest spaghetti I could find, at 30 cents a packet, times two, courtesy of Lidl. A couple of cartons of frito, onions, some peppers I had to use up, and lashings of our own olive oil. I reckon it didn't come to more than 10 cents a head.
I did splash out slightly on the dessert because of the visitors, buying sultanas for the Welsh cakes, which are quite expensive in Spain. But I used cheap flour, sugar, cinnamon and a bit of margarine (not butter). It might have come to 30 cents a head.

It was all washed down with cans of 25 cent beer and cheap lemonade (they hadn't brought a bottle), and some of the Costa which our Spanish friends always gave us (they made wine every year even though a lot of them were teetotal). They also ate piles of our delicious nisperas fresh from the trees and went home laden with bags of the loquat and avocados (Vicky and Harry always raided our trees). 

Thus they had the pleasure of a full stomach, lots of freebies and a lovely sunny day next to our cortijo pool (they lived in a house without a garden); not a bad afternoon from their perspective. But the main thing for me was that I tightly controlled the budget. It showed I was learning. And it amused me. It was a kind of damage limitation. 
Another time we did this was with Hannah and Bobby, some Brits who lived in a nearby village and whom we got chatting to now and then. I had a funny feeling that they too were unlikely to reciprocate. So this time I made a cheap vegetarian lasagne, with the cheapest lasagne sheets and 20 cent tins of red kidney beans and a fruit crumble for afters, using up left over fruit and cheap flour and margarine again (I should go into catering; I'd have fantastic profit margins). Over the course of the afternoon, next to our casa pool, we had to listen to Bobby regale us with various tales, including his greatest achievement; having £60,000 of mortgage debt written off by a bank during a previous financial crisis. He was as proud as punch about it.
It was to be six months later, just before Christmas, when we finally received our return invite, not for a meal but for 'a glass of wine and a mince pie.'  Since I'd just made a batch of 36 delicious mince pies (if I say so myself), and we had an invite to our friend Carmel’s for a slap-up meal on the same day, we declined their kind offer, later finding out from Simon and Charlotte who had also been invited that they cancelled at the last minute anyway – one of their children was ill. 
(NB. They had already told us the story of how they’d fallen out with English friends in their village who had had them around several times for dinner, but they'd never succeeded in reciprocating because they'd unfortunately had to cancel several dinner invitations at the last minute because their children were ill; of course you can't argue with that.)

To see our current properties for rent take a look at. There is still one week available in the second property during the summer holidays (10th to 18th August): 

http://www.homeaway.co.uk/p86636

And also another of our completed projects:

http://www.homeaway.co.uk/p475271

 

 



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24 Comments


jacobleej said:
Sunday, July 20, 2014 @ 5:52 PM

Oh don't you just love the needy expats...we have one here that came here because we live here & he wanted a place in the sun to live out his years...this guy I knew from back in the 70's but had had no contact with since only via the internet..

Anyway he turned up here like helpless little old man doubled over like he was on his last legs but at the same time was so childish & acted like little boy lost...surprisingly how fast he could walk fast & upright within a couple of days now he didn't have to take his cases up 4 flights of stairs...he may have a heart problem but so do I plus I am recovering from cancer...so really there are no excuses...

He stayed with us for 5 days which was 5 days way too many & we got him an apartment sorted out & moved him in ASAP...

Manners he didn't have any, he paid for nothing & expected everything, if you wanted to say something he would let you get about 3 to 5 words out & then talk over the top of you to talk about his days in Vietnam where he had been living before going back to the UK to have his health checked up...

Borrowed things from us & someone else & we both had to go & fetch the things back...always expecting things from people but the word ungrateful comes no where near to how he is...you really have to witness him to get the whole picture...

He got a new friend & then all of a sudden we were yesterdays people & not of any further use to him as we don't have a car I would assume that is...

We got that sick of him we blow him out anyway when he was confronted & asked what his problem was...

The things he did & how rude he had been to us I won't get into but it was to be seen to be believed...so we stay clear of doing anything for those sort of needy people anymore...

We don't have a lot ourselves & work when & where we can seeming I am on a low pension but I do have a trade...so when I can use my skills I do but I would never put on people like that...


eggcup said:
Sunday, July 20, 2014 @ 7:43 PM

Thanks for that very interesting comment. I've been reading about narcissism and I think there's a good chance that this 'friend' of yours was one of them - everything comes back to them in a conversation and other people only exist for them for what they can do for them. In 'Adreimal' there were an incredible amount of users. It was such a shame, because we wanted to create genuine friendships with people and didn't often realise that this was an impossibility with some, because when they saw us they saw euro signs. And you also make an interesting point regarding lack of gratitude. That was a theme in our lives in Spain too, which I will be mentioning from time to time.
Thanks again for the comment and all the best.


jacobleej said:
Sunday, July 20, 2014 @ 7:57 PM

Hi Eggcup...thank you for the reply...it really is a shame that the expat communities are not better than that...not to say we don't have expat friends as we most certainly do but they are very carefully chosen I have to say...

Are you still in Spain Eggcup?...I was following some of your posts when I was back in the UK but didn't get too many emails from Eye on Spain for a while or they might have been sent to the junk mail...

You had some very interesting things to say & I remember about when you were just about to change over to the Spanish healthcare...

I have a website that I should put on here somewhere on getting a residencia & sorting paperwork out...making it easier for people to do or get to grips with...

Regards Jake


eggcup said:
Monday, July 21, 2014 @ 10:43 AM

Thanks Jake.
Actually, sorting out Spanish healthcare was a step too far for us. On the rare occasions we needed it we went to the Centro de Salud or hospital. They were always emergencies anyway, as they often are with children. They started clamping down on this around the time we came back to the UK.
I never would have gone to the local doctor anyway - he sometimes kept people waiting from 8am to 2pm and didn't actually turn up. He was also rude and obnoxious, insulting my Romanian friend one day - talking to her like she was nothing - and also wound up the local teacher (the one I mention, who confronted the parents about their attitudes), and she was a strong character but refused to ever go near him again when he was rude to her one day. So the village was really unlucky with their doctor. Of course I don't know if he was representative or an exception - someone else will have to enlighten us on that one. It could be interesting. In fact, if Mac is reading, I think I have another poll for him (I like suggesting polls to him) - along the lines of what do you think of local Spanish doctors? Are they better or worse than their Spanish counterparts? And why?


jacobleej said:
Monday, July 21, 2014 @ 2:55 PM

Hi Eggcup..I have my health I have sorted & we have a local health centre here that most people use & the expats we know use it...

I was brought up in Spain many years ago & when I returned to the UK I left a daughter behind here but not by choice I just couldn't get her out of the country...I was never responded to via mail or phone & it took me 37 years to find her but we are a very happy family now apart from the ex who has no part in her life nor were they there for her...she was left with her grandparents...

Anyway I do have a Spanish family plus a son in law & 3 grandchildren...so I have a big reason to stay here but I never considered the UK as home having been brought up in Spain...

I am sure it is great for some people & a nightmare to others especially if they can't speak Spanish...

This is a small village & we have been made very welcome here & have many Spanish friend plus expats also...no crime rate that you could mention & it's a bit like one of the last coastal Spanish held villages that expats haven't taken over...which is nice I have to say...

As for the polls I tend to answer some of them if I feel I qualify to do so...

Saludo!!!! Jake


eggcup said:
Monday, July 21, 2014 @ 3:43 PM

Thanks Jake. It makes a nice change for me not having to argue in my comments section. I like it when others share their experiences as you have, in a balanced and honest way.


jacobleej said:
Monday, July 21, 2014 @ 4:22 PM

Hi Eggcup...well I love Spain but have endured the good, bad & the ugly here having been here in my teens & early 20's...but I can relate much more with the Spaniards than I can in some ways with the Brits but I was brought up more by the Spaniards than my own family as I spent much more time with them than my family...my mum wasn't much of a mum so I was really brought up more by Spanish families thus the huge influence..

On my return to the UK I had a huge culture shock which made a big impression on me but in a very negative way really...although I was in the land I was born I felt to be alien to it all...

It is really nice talking to someone that is on the same page lol...it makes a very pleasant surprise for once...

I do have a webpage on where we are...if you care to look at it the link is

http://lifeinalmeria.weebly.com/

Saludos...Jake


eggcup said:
Monday, July 21, 2014 @ 7:38 PM

Hi Jake. Yes, our children spent some formative years in Spain - from the ages of 3 and 4 to 8 and 9, and although they were with us, they spent stacks of time in their friends' houses and our neighbour's house and for a while, apart from the pale skin and the one being blonde, were often mistaken for andaluzes with the way they spoke. So they love pipas, the comida de la cuchara, my son's team is Real Madrid, my daughter watches the South American soaps when we go to our Spanish house on holiday etc. But they don't feel Spanish now. And they prefer the UK in general, although my son misses the freedom of the village, the hanging around and playing football on the school patio...


jacobleej said:
Monday, July 21, 2014 @ 7:47 PM

That sounds like they had a great time in Spain...of course my circumstances were much different & seeming my mother didn't have time for me the Spanish people did...so I was with Spanish people most of the time...then I moved out at 17 to an apartment on my own so I spent even more time with Spanish people...I did at one point have a Spanish ID but when I went back to the UK that expired...

I am back here in Spain now & have no intentions of returning to the UK...if I did it wouldn't be for very long as I would come back here..

It is a great shame that some expats have had a very negative experience of Spain as it can be a great country to settle in...

You will have to keep us all up to speed...I just hope the eye on spain emails keep coming & I get to read the things that come up on the site...

Saludos...Jake


eggcup said:
Saturday, July 26, 2014 @ 10:27 AM

Yes, I think personal family circumstances are far more important in defining how you feel about your life, than a country is. My mother also left us when I was ten and that would have had a far more profound impact on me than me living in Spain for a few years.
I hasten to add that most of the people I speak about in my blogs are no longer in Spain - the village has very much reverted to not having many expats around. Although we now have a few British friends there too, most are Spanish. As you say, you get to know who is worth bothering with over the years, and it makes life so much easier.


Gabian said:
Saturday, July 26, 2014 @ 11:34 AM

She didn't have the 'kids in tow', please feel for those defenceless children, it wasn't their choice to be in that situation.

What is wrong with a 'white van'. I came here with my white van and caravan, lived in it for seven months during my house build. Sold the caravan to a very happy Spanish guy from Caceres and the van to a geezer from Alicante who was going back to the UK. He needed it to transport his dogs.

You seem to thrive on other peoples miseries, regarding the van incident. That 'drippy hippy type' may have needed a bit of help. Have you ever thought of that......

At least you had the sense to tell Adrian not to drive the lady to her destination whist he was pissed out of his brains, I mean...... duuurrrr!!!!!!

I would hate to live in the scavenging area that you are talking about. It really doesn't happen here, and never will. The villagers wouldn't accept it......

I'm so glad I didn't chose your dump to live in......

By the way eggcup, I am also Welsh, from a tiny little village in Denbigh called llanefyd......

I'm quite impressed with your cooking skills though, maybe you could cook me something special when you come to visit me here in Extremadura.

However, I'm not so impressed with the moron who ripped off the insurance company for 60k. I mean, why are you surrounding yourself with a bunch of money grabbing idiots......

I am so glad that I haven't seen a Brit since 2012.

By the way, I love your contribution jacobleej, you have a great love and passion for Spain, I love that so much.


tufty said:
Saturday, July 26, 2014 @ 1:49 PM

Oh how we know the feeling of being used by expats!!!!! We have been used as translators and interpreters, my husband has put up whole houses of mosquito screens free, numerous ceiling fans, free, exchanged a hot water boiler free, airport runs and pickups, free, a years free spanish lessons, to name but a few, and then you become yesterdays news. We live inland in a small spanish village, and our spanish friends, of whom we have many, tell me my heart is to big!!!! We now steer away from expats and their clique, they are even known as the english table in the local bars, where they by a coffee on a Sunday morning!!!! Never buy anything in the village shops, go away fiesta time because of the noise, engage english speaking firms only, and think they are intergrated into village life.


eggcup said:
Saturday, July 26, 2014 @ 4:53 PM

Hi Tufty. Yes. Strangely enough, the 'Vicky' character who rarely reciprocated meals with us, would have others over for meals who would never reciprocate with her! It couldn't be explained by them not liking our company as they never refused an invite. But they would then have others around when they cooked and not us... Also, 'Vicky' put up a man with free board and lodge for a year on the understanding he would do jobs around her house and he did practically nothing. Then, when he managed to earn a bit of money doing some jobs for others he spent it on himself and didn't offer her a penny... After the year was up he moved out and they never bothered with each other again. The lack of gratitude can be astounding. But then some people are takers in life and some are givers. Thanks for the interesting comment.


midasgold said:
Sunday, July 27, 2014 @ 1:14 PM

Hi Gabian,
I think EGGIE was talking about the less agreeable type we meet here in Spain. If you are unable to understand, it could be that you also fit this.


eggcup said:
Sunday, July 27, 2014 @ 1:49 PM

Thanks midasgold. I don't think any of us for a minute believe that Gabian lives in this beautiful paradise where everyone is kind and good and he loves everyone (2,600 people) and they all love him... If that were the case he wouldn't be coming on my blog all the time to attack and insult me. He'd be spending his days skipping through the meadows with his pals.


Gabian said:
Sunday, July 27, 2014 @ 10:22 PM

Thankfully I don't have any 'pals'.

midasgold, where you get that name from I don't know but anyway...... believe it or not, I understand everything about eggcup. You need to understand that......

You can believe what you want eggcup. I live in paradise. One day I will prove it to you, and I don't mind paying for the privilege either.

You are a really bad person. I can't believe how bad a human being can be...... You are really bad......



ArthurTheGreat said:
Monday, July 28, 2014 @ 1:40 PM

Gabian. What an outrageous thing to say to eggcup. Your a troll and you should crawl back into your hole.


Gabian said:
Monday, July 28, 2014 @ 3:35 PM

Arthur the What,

Self proclaimed greatness. Who the fu*k are you to say that you are so great.

I'm a troll, you should see who is great Mr Arthur...... Fuc*ing moron.

Come and see me and then we'll see who crawls back into the hole......


midasgold said:
Monday, July 28, 2014 @ 4:06 PM

JUSTIN JUSTIN JUSTIN

Please bin GABIN'S posts and him too - both smelly trash.




tufty said:
Monday, July 28, 2014 @ 4:17 PM

I have just contacted Eye on Spain and asked that Gabian be barred from the site. Aggressive, abusive and foul language are not part of a constructive debate, and never will be. This is mot why I jouned the site. If you can't leave a constructive, sensible and fair comment, don't bother.


jacobleej said:
Monday, July 28, 2014 @ 5:31 PM

Hi Eggcup...I am sorry that all this as turned into an online battle...but if I have learnt anything from the internet/chat/forums it is that this what happens & what is said in one way is blown up out of all proportions...

I tend to avoid a lot of expats for a number of reasons not unlike this as I have found that in the past if there is any trouble to be had it's always come from expats & not always English but plenty is...they seem to have a bit of an aggressive streak & always ready to create trouble where there wasn't any...

I'm just sorry that people can't talk about something they feel is a open topic without being lambasted for it...

I fully understand about being put on as I have had it all before & no it's not right for anyone to be put on...some may find it acceptable to put on others but having been a very independent person all my life I don't take kindly to be put upon either...

As for aggression on the net...well it's pretty much an all over the net sort of thing & best ignored at all costs as there is no place for that sort of thing neither here or on any other website...

I learnt a long time ago that people on the net love to get people going & upset others...I met my wife online many years ago & if we had listened to all that was thrown at us we wouldn't be married now due to the lies of others & aggression of others...

So don't let it get to you...

By the way anyone wanting to come back at me on this post need not bother as all posts of that nature as in the past was & will be ignored & treated with all the contempt that they deserves...




tufty said:
Monday, July 28, 2014 @ 6:19 PM

I have just contacted Eye on Spain and asked that Gabian be barred from the site. Aggressive, abusive and foul language are not part of a constructive debate, and never will be. This is mot why I jouned the site. If you can't leave a constructive, sensible and fair comment, don't bother.


eggcup said:
Monday, July 28, 2014 @ 9:50 PM

Well Gabian has been my latest troll in a long line - so most things he says don't affect me. They're generally fairly illogical streams of invective. So he'll invite me to come and see him in Extremadura - he'll even 'pay for the privilege' - don't know how that would work... and two seconds later say I am 'a really bad person.' I found that comment pretty offensive as well as the suggestion that he 'knows everything about me.' I don't even know myself completely (I try to work myself out, but I'm still learning about myself), so I don't see how he could know everything about me. I find comments like that made by men about women a bit chilling.
But he is really out of line now with the swearing and name calling as well. He tried to make out in previous comments that he likes all women (strangely, with the single exception of me), but I see a big fat line of misogyny running through a lot of his comments.
I'm not sure I would ban him though. I could have deleted his comments but haven't as they could be useful in a sociological and/or psychiatric study. I'm not sure. They may just be too unbalanced to have any validity.


ArthurTheGreat said:
Monday, July 28, 2014 @ 10:14 PM

Actually, Gabian. my name is David. The name im using here is dedicated to the Duke of Wellington who crushed Napoleon Bonaparte. Im simply standing up for eggie who has done nothing wrong and has many entertaining blogs unlike you.


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