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lmfao
Dear Mr Addison,
I am writing to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to
our latest communication and also to answer some of the points you
raised.
I will address them, as ever, in order.
Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a
"begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a
"tax demand". This is how we at The Inland Revenue have always, for
reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.
Secondly, your frustration at adding to the "endless stream of
crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox
on the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not
seen the other letters to which you refer, I would cautiously suggest
that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses
and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file
them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little
ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that
the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come
to that, a "sodding charity". More likely, they see you as a citizen
of Great Britain with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of
the nation as a whole.
Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of
truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the
canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moments
rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the
government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned
party" yourself. The estimates you provide for The Chancellor’s
disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in
fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is
spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores"
whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for
example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system".
A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:-
1:- The reason we don’t simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to
do with the vagaries of the postal system.
2:- You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrow of those with
nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because
even if the Personal Allowance didn’t render it irrelevant, the sheer
medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.
I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any
way wish to influence your decision one way or other, I ought to point
out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and
go and live in India", you would still owe us the money.
Please send it to us by Friday.
Yours sincerely,
HJ
Lee
Customer Relations29 Sep 15:01 |