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How children may feel and react when they move abroad.
Saturday, April 25, 2009

 

       Parents moving internationally will face many questions from their kids.  Where will they go to school? What kinds of food will they encounter? Will they be the only ones of their ethnicity? How will they make new friends?
 
      Moving to a new community can be an exciting but sometimes difficult event for a child and a family, depending on the circumstances For example, different issues are raised if the move is due to a parent's promotion rather than divorce, death, or change of family income. Similarly, a child's ability to cope is different if the family is in the military and moving is a necessary and repeated part of life compared to a family moving only once. The logistics of the move also influence a child's adjustment; moving across town is far less complicated than a move across the country, or to another different one. For many moving is a positive experience, as it brings the opportunity to develop new friendships, pursue new interests, increase social confidence, and learn important lessons about adapting to change. If parents are positive about the move, children will have an easier time adjusting. Following is a guide for managing the different issues facing parents and children when they move.
 
      When children enter new environments, they express their feelings in various ways, some of which can signify that they are not adjusting well. Typical trouble signs include: changes in reading ability, attention span, eating habits (weight loss or gain), enthusiasm, energy levels, quarrelsome behaviour and unreasonable fears. Uncharacteristics behaviours will usually disappear as children settle in, but if not, parents should seek the advice of a pediatrician or a counselor.

     

      Age Matters

      A child's age and general personality affect how the child will deal with moving. Some children adapt easily to new situations; others may need more time to make a gradual adjustment.
 
      Infants, toddlers, and preschoolers are not able to comprehend the meaning of the move or complex explanations. They are affected more by the reactions and availability of their caretakers. They do best when things are predictable; thus keeping to a routine with familiar things and people eases the transition for them. Avoid making other changes at the same time as the move, such as toilet training or transfer to a new bed, so as not to overwhelm and confuse a young child.
 
      Children in kindergarten or first grade may be vulnerable because they are in the process of separating from their parents and adjusting to new authority figures and social relationships. They may temporarily regress to behaviors typical of an earlier stage and become more dependent on their parents.
 
      School-age children are likely to be concerned about fitting in with new peers and dealing with different academic demands. Their general personality and social style may influence their ease in adjustment. They may also be better able to tolerate the new kid jitters if a sibling will be at the same school.
 
      Teens will be able to understand the nuances of the decision to move, but may also be resistant to change. At a time when they are establishing important relationships outside of the family, they may feel the move threatens their evolving identity. Thus the move can be disruptive to the stability they have already established with a core group of friends or with an athletic or academic path they are pursuing.
 
      Some children will actually thrive in the new environment depending on the circumstances of the move, an accepting peer group, and a supportive mentoring adult network.
 
 


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DO YOU BELONG TO A "NOMADIC" FAMILY?
Saturday, April 18, 2009

 

 A “transiente proffesional”  is someone who moves , from time to time, from the country where they live and work in. This kind of people may be executives of a company, diplomats, university professors , employees of international organisms...

 

The main caracteristic of transitori workers is that they know, from the begining (the moment they arrive to a new country) that they are not going to live there forever. They know they are staying there only for a period of time. And when they move again, it will happen the same.

 

            So, since this point of view of life, they can´t allow themself to feel as belonging to a country, to a group of friends, to a house with it´s neighbohood, to a differents places where they enjoy...They can´t organize their lifes in a stable way.

 

            In this situaction, most of the proffesionals take their families with them . For all of them international migration is a way of life. Families in transit are different from those who don´t are like that.

 

            Most of the people who have to live this situations, either deny or minimize the big effort they must make to adjust to the new situation constantly. They must leave what, until now, was their home, their country, their daily rutin...to transform the new place, until now unknown, into their home, their country, their daily rutin...

 

If they deny, minimize or keep silent this important information of their reality, this will become as a “symptom”, in all members of the family or in someone, which will be the “designated patient”. In this case, the family has the sensation that the adjustment is very easy. The “problematic” member (the rebellious teenager, the histerical woman..)is the one who assumes the difficulty of the adjustment and the one that shows the whole problem of the family. In the end the “problem” is just the own member.

 

Normaly the father is the one who has the oppotunity to work abroad. In this situation, all the family could be happy, hopping to change their lifes in a better way, earning much more money, learning a new languaje, getting to know a new culture...but they don´t know, and even think, about the problems about their adjustment.

 

The proffesional has been chosen because of his skills and has been trained to do his job in the perfect way in the destination country.  But he hasn´t been trained for the real adjustment to his new life there. And the company hasn´t taken into account neither his familiar situation, nor his wife labour situation. Most of the failures of this kind of people in their new jobs are due to the adjustments problems of their families, and mainly, of their wifes.

 

Probably his wife is a woman who had study at the university and had her own job in her country. So, now, she must resign her proffesional development.

 

Most of these families are organized in the new destination as traditional families. While the man works and does everything related to the external of the house, the woman remains at home, taking care of it and the children. And, of course, she, may be, doesn´t like this way of life. She can fell like going to a contradiction, between what she wanted and what she is doing. So in this situation we can´t consider that these women are neurotic because they react in a jealous, envious or destructive way.

 

The most important characteristic this families need is flexibility. The more capacity they have to change their roles and relations between them, inside the family, (in view of this situational stress), the easier they will be able to adjust. Each one of them will leave many roles that they had in their former community, as members of a familiar extensive group, of a work group, of a friends group...

 

Only a good relationship with oneself, a good family cohesion, the acceptance and elaboration of losses.... will allow them to integrate easily the different countries, periods of time, the past and present groups of people...In this way, it will be possible to reorganize an consolidate the sense of identity, correspondent to whom they really are, in spite of all the changes they have lived.



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