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Your Spanish Psychologist.

Your Spanish Psychologist to help you in your adjustment to Spain. Spanish Psychology in English language

DO YOU BELONG TO A "NOMADIC" FAMILY?
18 April 2009 @ 21:51

 

 A “transiente proffesional”  is someone who moves , from time to time, from the country where they live and work in. This kind of people may be executives of a company, diplomats, university professors , employees of international organisms...

 

The main caracteristic of transitori workers is that they know, from the begining (the moment they arrive to a new country) that they are not going to live there forever. They know they are staying there only for a period of time. And when they move again, it will happen the same.

 

            So, since this point of view of life, they can´t allow themself to feel as belonging to a country, to a group of friends, to a house with it´s neighbohood, to a differents places where they enjoy...They can´t organize their lifes in a stable way.

 

            In this situaction, most of the proffesionals take their families with them . For all of them international migration is a way of life. Families in transit are different from those who don´t are like that.

 

            Most of the people who have to live this situations, either deny or minimize the big effort they must make to adjust to the new situation constantly. They must leave what, until now, was their home, their country, their daily rutin...to transform the new place, until now unknown, into their home, their country, their daily rutin...

 

If they deny, minimize or keep silent this important information of their reality, this will become as a “symptom”, in all members of the family or in someone, which will be the “designated patient”. In this case, the family has the sensation that the adjustment is very easy. The “problematic” member (the rebellious teenager, the histerical woman..)is the one who assumes the difficulty of the adjustment and the one that shows the whole problem of the family. In the end the “problem” is just the own member.

 

Normaly the father is the one who has the oppotunity to work abroad. In this situation, all the family could be happy, hopping to change their lifes in a better way, earning much more money, learning a new languaje, getting to know a new culture...but they don´t know, and even think, about the problems about their adjustment.

 

The proffesional has been chosen because of his skills and has been trained to do his job in the perfect way in the destination country.  But he hasn´t been trained for the real adjustment to his new life there. And the company hasn´t taken into account neither his familiar situation, nor his wife labour situation. Most of the failures of this kind of people in their new jobs are due to the adjustments problems of their families, and mainly, of their wifes.

 

Probably his wife is a woman who had study at the university and had her own job in her country. So, now, she must resign her proffesional development.

 

Most of these families are organized in the new destination as traditional families. While the man works and does everything related to the external of the house, the woman remains at home, taking care of it and the children. And, of course, she, may be, doesn´t like this way of life. She can fell like going to a contradiction, between what she wanted and what she is doing. So in this situation we can´t consider that these women are neurotic because they react in a jealous, envious or destructive way.

 

The most important characteristic this families need is flexibility. The more capacity they have to change their roles and relations between them, inside the family, (in view of this situational stress), the easier they will be able to adjust. Each one of them will leave many roles that they had in their former community, as members of a familiar extensive group, of a work group, of a friends group...

 

Only a good relationship with oneself, a good family cohesion, the acceptance and elaboration of losses.... will allow them to integrate easily the different countries, periods of time, the past and present groups of people...In this way, it will be possible to reorganize an consolidate the sense of identity, correspondent to whom they really are, in spite of all the changes they have lived.



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6 Comments


Jake Manzana said:
19 April 2009 @ 11:29

As a person who has lived such a life as a member of the armed forces for 22 years, here is some advice. Perhaps in your spare time you could take spelling lessons berore You write Your next pointless brief. However if You are only a child as the spelling suggests, I appologise.
JM


Jake Manzana said:
19 April 2009 @ 11:34

Heh! spot the deliberate mistakes, or stick to Spanish !


Monica said:
20 April 2009 @ 14:05

Dear Mr Apple,

Do you consider that to write "birore" instead of "before" is a spelling mistake? What about "appologise" instead of " apologize"?And...what can you say about using capital letters with no grammar purposes?
I hope you will see all these spelling mistakes in your silly comment. And let me tell you something....your English is not good.....What about your Spanish?


Marta said:
20 April 2009 @ 21:41

Hi Jake,

You seem to be angry at me and I don't understand why. As you should know I'm Spanish. I just try to express my ideas in English in the best way I can.

Of course I can make some mistakes, but never on purpose, you can be sure. Excuse me if , because of my "not good" English, I said something that it could have bothered you. It wasn't my intention.

All I ask for, as I'm making an effort to speak in a foreign language, is a little bit of understanding. I guess you can realize that reading the kind of message you wrote me is not very pleasant for me, specially when I'm trying to do my best and help and give people some advice. I never insult people, at least
consciously.

Maybe you should think about the real reason why you were angry.I doubt it was because of my "spelling".

Thank you for reading my article and sharing your thoughts and feelings with me.

Best regards.






cdk38 said:
30 June 2010 @ 07:22

Dear Marta,

I, for one, think it's admirable that you are trying to practice a foreign language by sharing it on the Internet.

Keep going! Your English is not bad at all (certainly better than my Spanish), and I'm sure it'll improve a lot in the future.


Nicole said:
10 November 2011 @ 20:02

Gee Whiz, that Jake is nothing but a pointless prick, that's for sure, and indeed, his spelling sucks. FYI this is written in UK English.
I am a professional proofreader so my eyes are drawn towards misspelt words, but I also appreciate how difficult it is to write well in a foreign language unless you've studied it since you were very young, and even then it depends on the standard of teaching. In northern Spain, Cantabria, where I recently lived for several months, the standard of English did not seem very high, which some local people even complained about.
Marta's written English is much better than my written Spanish, and I find her topics interesting and relatable.
But, Marta, my advice is that if you are not 100% sure how to write a word, that you look it up in a dictionary or online. That is the best way to improve your written English, should you desire to do so. Admittedly, it can be offputting to read an article, in spite of it being interesting, with so many mistakes. As I said, I appreciate the effort, having learnt foreign languages myself, but not everyone will see it that way.
Thanks for the interesting topic!


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