Should We Move Back to England ????????

 

Hi All,

 

I have been living on the Costa del Sol (Estepona) for 21 years. I am now retired, but I have a bar/restaurant, which my partner is running until we sell it.

 

We have been very happy living in Spain. We love the sunshine, the beaches, the white villages and sipping Jerez along with eating tapas on beautiful sunny terraces, whilst we watch the world peacefully drift by.

 

Our son will be starting university in London, in a year from now and my partner, wants to move back to England to be near him, as he grows up and perhaps starts a family.

 

Do we stay here in the sun or do we try to start a new life in England?

 

I am sure that many other couples have arrived at the cross roads that we are at now.

 

 Please send me your comments?

Oh Grazy !! How can we answer that one????????????

The big thing about leaving your family in England is just that........................................Leaving them !!

The pair of you can only talk about it......but what does your son want? He will have his own life and you cannot base your life on theirs...................you have to do what you want 'cos you deserve a life too. And it's only a short time away for him to come to you or you to go to him.

Good luck, whatever you decide!!

Hi Grazy, its not easy is it? We are the other way round, we have bought in Spain, we are in our 40s. We are ready to move and live in Spain permanently. Our daughters are 19 and 17 they are at University and College. Neither of them are wanting to move to Spain. I feel a pull to stay here to be with them but people tell me to let go. They both have boyfriends and the eldest just about lives with hers. The youngest wants to move in with her friend, as she has her own place. Its so hard and I know they will visit often but like you we are at that crossroads.

Whatever you decide to do, you will always wonder if you have made the right choice.

Good luck in your decision. I am sure you would get many visits from your son and his eventual family. If you did move back, you may end up seeing less of him than if he kept flying over to see you both? You know what they are like!

Best wishes

John and Trish

This message was last edited by JPD on 6/21/2007.

remember we are talking about spain not australia, you can be in spain in4hrs from london, quicker than going to west country or the north. no one knows where there children will end up working and it is unlikely 2 offspring will live that close together.

 

the world is a smallplace well europe is

my thoughts anyway

 

noddy

Hi Grazy,
You didn't say if your son has been with you in Spain or not.
We have children in the UK aged 26, 22, 21 and 19.  We also have a son aged 8 here with us.
We moved out to Spain last summer. It was a very hard decision to make.
Are the older ones old enough to be left behind?
Will they cope?
Answer: Yes, they are fine without us.
Having said that, we are a phone call away.
If all hell broke loose we could be with them in 24 hours.  With internet banking, we can, and have, pushed funds their way when needed most!
Our kids have a good network of family near them in UK.
It's a hard one, I wish you all well.
Regards,
Fiona

Stay put.  It's dead easy and cheap for you to visit them (or them to visit you) if you stay in Spain.  If you live London you will be miserable.  If you live elsewhere in the country, it will take just as long, and probably be more expensive, to visit than London to Spain.  Plus, living near them you will probably find they will disappear in the holidays.  Staying where you are you will probably see them for the entire holidays (which are very long at Uni).

You know it makes sense.  Whatever you decide, hope it all works out for you.

 

Bobaol

Bit of a sweeping statement about London!!!!

I agree that it is noisy, busy etc etc but there is also a lot going for it.

Also, there are plently of surrounding areas like Kent for example where you can live more rurally but still be in easy (30 Minutes) access of London.

This message was last edited by nfm2862 on 6/21/2007.

Grazy

My two pennies worth - Why not let your son start Uni & see how he settles etc before making any decisions. What you need to consider is that he will finish Uni & that 3 or 4 years will fly by - If you come back, you just know that when he is finished he will probably get a job miles away from where you settle. Either that or he'll take off travelling.

What does he think? Does he actually want you to move back?

A very hard decision for you though.

Noreen

I meant living in a city as opposed to the current CDS, sipping sherry in the white housed villages and near the sea so please don't get touchy about London. Just pointing out the different lifestyles.  No, now I come to think about, I lived in London some time ago and worked in Whitehall.  And yes, it was miserable.  I  lived in St Johns Wood but getting into London in 30 minutes?? Had to get the 6:30 tube to get into Whitehall for 9:00 AND needed a shower when I got there.

 

Hi Grazy.  My daughter went of to uni a few years ago loved Northampton then decided to move on to Manchester so we saw even less of her sometimes it took us 5hours to get their because of roadworks or accidents.  She now lives with her partner just 10minutes from us and has one boy of 6.  So we see a lot more of her now.  But we went to Spain for 3months this year and yes I did miss them it was nice to get back and see everybody but I know were I would rather be especially with the weather we are having. Let your son settle in  to uni life first see how he gets on, he might decide this is not what he wants, on the other hand he might love it and you might not see much of him anyway.   Their comes a time when we have to let them go and they have to lead their own lives and make their own mistakes as long as you are their when they need you and 2hours is not that long.   Anyway good luck with your decision but do not rush into anything.   Regards  Pat    

We are doing it the other way around too.  We have just bought our property but won't move there permanently for another 10 years.  Our sons will be 23 and 25 then.  We have discussed it as a family and have left it up to them.  I have suggested they will have their own lives then and won't want to come with us. 

Have you discussed it with your son? 

If I were in your shoes, I would let him go alone.  You have to let go some time and he might be looking forward to the big adventure on his lonesome.  You can always send him money for travel tickets to visit you.  I bet you would see more of him if you stayed put than you would if you followed him back to the UK.  Plus, you can always pop over to visit him.

 

 

 

 

Bobaol

Rest assured I am not "getting touchy" about London - Just passing comment on something that I feel qualified to comment on, given that I have lived in London all my life & have commuted into the city/west end for the past 29 years.

Given that Grazy made no mention of commuting, I guess they will have the pleasure of travelling outside of the rush hour.

I guess they can take from your reply that St John's Wood is not the place to live if you want to get into London quickly but I now live in a pleasant area in Kent & YES it does only take 30 minutes to get in to Cannon Street station in the city. Again I am certain of my facts because I do it every day (in both directions!!!) 

 

Hi, I agree with the comments already said, I would not do anything in a hurry, I would let your son go to University and then see how the land lies.

Interestingly, on one of our trips back from Malaga, I sat next to a young lad.  We got chatting, he was 19 years old and had just been to visit his Dad.  He said his Dad had decided to move to Spain and he was settled in his job and decided to stay behind.  He said it was the best decision he had ever made.  He had the best of both worlds, visited his Dad regularly taking friends over with him.  He talked of the wonderful ski-ing holiday he had had with this mates.  This trip had been his Dads birthday - (November) and that his next trip would be a family Christmas hopefully with some sunshine.

Just thought I would give you the other side of the coin!

Best wishes,

Mimmie

 

 

 

 

 

hI Grazy

 

My kids are grown up finished uni and have good jobs. They have lived at home for ever and even when at uni they stayed at home and commuted to other cities. Now my wife and I have bought a place off plan and while we are waiting for it to be ready my kids, one a teacher the other an administrator, who told us that they did not fancy living in Spain, both want to come with us for two weeks in July. One is 22 the other is 25 they  have their own lives here but they will come over to see you as much in Spain as they would from Edinburgh or Birmingham or London.

I believe you will see as much of them in Spain as would in UK.

 

Good Luck

Hi Grazy

Have you spoken to your son about this?  Young people can surprise you!  My partner and I are buying off-plan and hoping to move to Spain permanently in two years' time.  My children are grown up and they all live in London, but I still wondered what they would think as I see them regularly.  My youngest daughter is already planning to come and see us as much as possible and says she can't wait until we move there!  The other two are also very supportive.  In your son's case, he probably thinks of Spain as his home and is looking forward to returning for holidays.  My eldest daughter went to Uni in Birmingham, and loved it there, however she returned to London for the holidays and moved back when she had graduated.

Children do move away, wherever you live.  My Mum moved to the northeast with my two brothers after she separated from my father, as she had familt there and they were both very keen on the idea.  I stayed in Lincolnshire as I was married by then, though I also moved later on.  Years later both my brothers got married and one moved to York for work, then the other one eventually moved to Somerset.  We were all happy though that Mum was settled where she was and happy there and we visited her as much as possible.

Commuting: don't start me off! I live in Southwest London and work (part-time) in Central London.  I have to allow one hour to get to work, but any problems on the tube and it can take much longer.  Luckily I work flexi so it's not too much of an issue, however it is so overcrowded that I will be relieved when I don't have to use the tube on a regular basis.  Of course there are things about London that we will miss, but overall I can't wait to move to Spain!

Sue

Hi Grazy,

You say you have been in Spain for 21 years,the question i would ask is could you adapt back into the UK,especially city life.

I have not been here as long as you but find it nearly impossible not to get frustrated with the UK every time i go back.

The country has changed almost beyond recognition in the time you have been here.

In your post you paint a beautiful picture of Spanish life and i don't doubt for one minute that you would miss this terribly.

I only have young children so i cannot really appreciate your dilemma,although in saying that people say you should never chase your children.

I worked in the city and spent the majority of my life in the UK chasing the pound for 14 hours a day including commute,it was only when i moved to Spain that i actually rmembered i had a family!,plus the fact that i spend more quality time with family and friends who we left behind as they always seem to be here anyway.

i would imagine your son will create a new life and circle of friends that he will bring back to Spain at every oppurtunity.

Just my thoughts.

A hard Decision

Regards

Georgia

Hi Grazy, straight answer, no, your kids are only on lone as a wise midwife once told my wife, you still have a life to lead with or without them. It is hard, we have three, two at home (23 & 17) and 20 year old in his final year at uni. He is 300+ miles away and we only see him now and again during the hols, the time it takes for him to drive down to visit is on a par with your son flying back to visit you.   Dont give up a life that you enjoy and will later regret once he has finished at uni, 3/4 years seems such a long time, but believe me it soon flies by, I still remember the silent journey back home down the M6, neither my wife or myself could say anything we were so emotional leaving him behind for the first time, but now 3 years on we're looking forward to welcoming him back home (for now) until he decides what to do with his life!

Just dont be hasty in your decision, you may regret it.

Kind regards

Just an observation.

We have two sons who went away to university and then got jobs 3hours drive away from us. They are settled with their own families now. They never returned to live at home after the age of 19. Not because there was a problem. We have always been very close. We just live in a useless area for work and even my hubby travels and stays away monday-friday for work.He has for 20 years.

The boys will be able to visit us in Spain just as easily as driving down to Devon.

You think about your children now but they won't so much when they are ready to leave Uni and go out into the world.

 

Laury

Wow alot of words of wisdom!!!

Obviously you need to do whats right for your family.

My youngest son will be going to London University (grades permitting) in October. We live in Leeds, as previously said many children go off to university in the UK with equiv travelling times as UK to Spain. They don't have the sand, sun. sangria to go to in their holidays!!

Don't want to go off thread but, Bobaol two and a half hours to get from St. Johns Wood to Whitehall? I know London Transport is in a mess but are you sure the train was going in the right direction? It would have been quicker to walk! Anyway I agree with you about the quality of life being better in Spain. I think that decision is a no brainer unless there is a VERY good reason to return to England.

Alan

Grazy, I don´t know if this will help but ????

In 1994 I sold my business in the UK and moved to a small Island in the Outer Hebrides, about 60 miles into the Atlantic.

My plan was to learn to Paint, Write/Journalism and read about 600 books that I had collected and educate myself to make up for a non-university education.

My family and friends thought we were crazy, but my wife and I had fallen in love with the idea of living the opt-out lifestyle, so we packed our Land-rover to the roof and off we set.

After six years of a fabulous and inredsibly varied time we had accomplished all we set out to do and loads more besides.  We were very proud of ourselves and as satisfied as anyone in the world could hope to be.

I then shocked my wife by saying it was time to move on to new adventures, within 6 months we had moved to Spain, my wife still shell-shocked from the sudden move.

Our friends and family asked why we had failed!!!  They could not understand that realising a dream is not where you stop.  We must constantly challenge ourselves with "ventures new".  I knew in my heart it was time to move on before we became institutionalised and stagnent. 

We are just as happy and satisfied here in Spain (Spain and the Spanish have been very kind to us) .

In summary,  anywhere you live can be the happiest times of your lives.  Look at your desicion as a new and exciting challenge, be sure to have confidence in the decision you make and see it through with vigour.

I doubt it will be your last move in life so enjoy this period and plan the next and the next and the next.

You sound like a bit of an adventurer yourself, you made an exciting change to your lives 21 years ago.

Good luck and as my wife says, "don´t take care take risks"

Gillespie

just like to say 'well done' for such a positive post.

As i have rambled on about many times, we are in a 5 year (and no end in sight) very expensive battle to get our deposit back, due to huge breaches of contract. The deposit  cost and stress of losing all our savings fighting for it back, and having our dreams shattered has taken its toll, but it's great to read about those who have made big decisions that turned out well. I'm really looking forward to the day we can start making positive plans for the future. I'm very confident we will win our case, but we are living a bit under a cloud while in the middle of it all.

I still feel the last line of your post with your wife's comments are right though............ What a dull life we would lead if we didn't take risks now and again.

All the best.

Hi Gillespie - loved the posting. Its great to hear other people out there unafraid to go fot it!

I have lived my life jumping in and out of various forms of adventures, some lower risks than others but all with their own trials and tribulations. I have noticed that although the children have had a fairly stable upbringing due to being in Spain from an early age, they too are willing to grab a challenge by the throat and live life to the full.

Good on you and anyone else who follows their dreams

May father once said to me 'better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all' 

Works for me!!

Hi Goodstich, thanks for the comments,  I´m not so sure I could stay as positive if I had been on the receiving end of a scam as you have suffered.  You seem to have a strong constitution, I hope it sees you through to satisfaction.

Thanks too Rixxi,  we all know you are a bit of an adventurer   Don´t know if I could have done it with children in toe,  It was tough enough with 2 phsycolgically disturbed Border Collies!!

Hi Gillespie

thanks for your interest. Many people were conned in to completing, with threats of the developer going bust and the site not being finished if we didn't all complete, and this was despite massive breaches of contract. and no LFO at the time. After  nearly 5 years of lies, i couldn't face throwing any more good money at this rip-off. So we had no option, but to fight for our deposit back.

As for moving back to the UK, well despite all the bad weather, (and i've had some great warm and dry holidays touring Spain by car and motorbike) we feel far better making plans in the UK, until big changes are made in the Spanish justice system. .............but one day, who knows?

Another moaning Brit. why dont you all go back to England or whatever you call it now, your passports should read (no culture of our own)

Good riddance to you, see if you can find another Country to pillage and moan about. Youve nearly done the lot now.

Leave Spain to those who apprecieate it and its European culture.( not fish n chips , tatooed morons, and drunken louts, oops sorry didint mean to have a go at your culture)

bye, bye.

To quote Fibs - 'blimey'!!

 

This message was last edited by Annie21 on 7/4/2007.

dunner, where on earth are you coming from?? Nowhere on this thread is anything said about Spain in a derogatory way, rather, people here are suggesting that Spain has an awful lot going for it. In fact the only one 'moaning' it seems is you!!!

Goodstitch has had bad luck with rogue developers, has lost an awful lot of money and is merely saying that the place for them to regroup is in familiar territory, i.e. England. The spanish justice system is entirely different to ours and is a minefield even for those who practice law in Spain (read other threads).

Why you have to wade in with a tirade against the British is beyond me, there are good and bad wherever you go and on this site we seem to be blessed with mainly good - occasional ODD ones do come in but they really are the minority.

We Brits are equally blessed by having an eclectic mix of cultures which over the centuries have created the well rounded and accepting people we now are.

May I suggest you read more of the conversations and opinions on this site and stop Brit bashing for the sake of it!

noelandwilma

 

Don't feed the trolls. Ignore them and they go away.

 

Laury

LauryC,

fair comment, just saw red, all ok now though.