Hi All,

As some of you may know i have enjoyed the presence of my family and friends throughout the summer,in total i have 12 people in my house at any one time based on a rotation ststem Jose Mourinho would be proud of.

As we draw closer to the end of the holidays  and the marathon comes to its conclusion i have i thought of some handy tips for both residents and visitors.

1. A spanish washing machine works pretty much the same as anywhere else in the world,it does not dance around the house late at night magically collecting all of the clothes like a scene from Fantasia,also it can be fully loaded and does not have to wash individual swimwear so that the drum does not spin 24hrs a day creating a false gravity field in the kitchen causing the dog to cling to the furniture risking being pulled towards the black hole that has emerged next to the fridge freezer.

2.Ahh,the Fridge,unless i am sadly mistaken the door of the fridge does not have to be constantly opened and closed every 30 seconds to generate enough energy to keep it running,it has a motor for that,i am sure that passing ships have noted that there must be a new lighthouse in tha Algorfa area!!

Secondly,the magical pixies that constantly restock and refresh the shelves free of charge every day DO NOT EXIST!!!!!.

The fridge is not like the wardrobe in the Chronicles of Narnia and belive or not you cannot walk through it and come out in Carrefour!!!!,the magical paper you were given at the cambio Exchange can be swapped for items of sustinence and not unlike Tesco's someone will have to pay for feeding the population of a small country.

3.The bathroom,some people having to go to work every day require the use of this to complete natural acts that allow them to get out of the door in the morning before siesta time,it should not become similar to the Big Brother Diary room where you have to queue and wait for a green light to come on,the Tesco's meat counter where a ticket is required,or a make up studio to rival the Benidorm Palace.

When the occupants of the house do eventually make it through the masses it is not neccesary to constantly knock on the door,we know you are still there,turning the handle up and down will not fortunately enough slide back the bolt to let you check if you are brown yet?!

4.The weather has absolutely nothing to do with me,if the temperatures drops below volcanic proportions for one day and there dares to be a cloud in the sky it is not my fault,it is not my job to ensure you return home with the best tan humanly possible,if it rains for a micro second then yes the weather probably is better in the UK than here at that spit second.

5. Beleive it or not we do not eat out every night,the small square object in the kitchen is a cooker and manages  to sustain us through the winter by simply opening the door and adding food,(see number 2 for details)

To summarise;yes it is quiet here,we like it like that,you do not need to know the language fluently to moan or complain,don't moan and complain,yes it is hot,and no there is not a "Boots" in the high street for something that helps sunburn.

The art is not to lay like a star fish at every given oppurtunity the minute the sun rises untill dusk.

It is not a competition to see who can stay up the latest!

It is not a competition to see who can get the most sand down the back of the sofa!

Contrary to populary opinion there is only one sitting for dinner!

Sky Sports is louder than all other channels when the football is on(it means i am trying to listen and Andy Gray has far mor interesting things to say than you).

I could go on and on but this has acted as good therapy.

I love my family and miss them dearly and it  is great to have them near now and again.

That's why i now have a web cam!!

Regards

Georgia

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

You chiken - waiting until they have all gone before posting that one!!!

Dont blame you though and I refuse to have visitors after one such experience!

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

Hi Pat and Roy,

The cast is off now and she is a lot happier,they all leave on wednesday.

Now that is off my chest i feel a lot better.

Smiley,

Don't get me started again,i am thinking about writing a guide on how to survive visitors,there could be a whole chapter on towels!!!

I have just been on Google Earth,i looked at guardamar Centro beach and i spotted Sixteen of our bath towels,2 beach towels and a flannel!!!!!

No wonder i had to run through the house this morning like a demented streaker searching for cover and an illusive towel.

Do you know how long it takes to dry yourself on a pillowcase?!

Georgia

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

Rixxy,

No,they are all still here,i don't care anymore,it's public knowledge on EOS or the loony bin for me!

Regards

Georgia

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

HAH - mental image of trying to dry on a pillowcase.

Good job you didnt use the curtains then.........................!

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

_______________________

  ' Do unto others as you would be done by'

   

    Don't give me grief, I can find it by myself

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

Georgia, you are the funniest guy I know, I absolutely adore your posts. It all rings true & that's why we don't tell anyone where we are there. We could've bought a one bed pad instead of two as it rarely gets used. Auntie Em & Kenco have beds reserved for New Year, mind you. Hubby says he totally relates to the TV footie game part. Thanks for such a great giggle.

Saw this & thought of you trying to find a bath towel.

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

Hi All,

I feel better now that is out of my system.

I am glad that hit the spot with a few of you, i have always beleived that if you are frustrated or annoyed by something then if you use humour it will generally diffuse most situations,wouldn't the world be a great place if conflicts were decided by laughter instead of tears.

Regards

Georgia.

PS,i am making a banner for wednesday to take to the airport,do you think"Thanks for coming but bugger off" is a bit strong?!

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

Has it ever occurred to people to just say "no" to the hoards descending all at once or to book them into a nearby rental ? It certainly separates those who are using, or rather abusing, your generosity from those who realise they should pull their weight & contribute whether it's monetory or just the help needed to keep life flowing easier.

By the way I'm listening to FM 89.90 (Radio 2) to a great show with Dale Winton.

Haven't heard these hits for many a long year. Thought of you, Georgia, as Dale's playing Marmalade singing "Baby, make it soon". Not very apt for your thread.

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

Ahhhh but you CANT say bno as you are branded mean and orrible!

And re the rental part, they will retort with - but you can stay with us when you come back the uk - AS IF!!!!!!!!!

Georgia - glad youre feeling better, but IMHO bugger off isnt strong enough!  In fact next time dont collect them and lose the mobile! Then they might get the hint!!!

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

Just don't send them to More's spare room then.  Oh, & the joys of being able to buy a sofa that's not a sofa bed too.

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

Spam post? If so please click here to report it

My OH's young nephew gets oiled up for the beach before getting dressed, to "save time at the beach", he says. Naturally, he's barred from going anywhere near the sofa. This year we gave him a lilo on the terrace, and told him to shower at the pool. Damage limitation, you see. When he's out and about on his own, we often get phone calls from complete strangers, asking for tourist info or directions. He's very friendly, and likes to help people out. We make it quite clear that he's not to bring "friends" home with him. This used to annoy him; now he just stays out all night - suits us fine. Weeks after he's gone, we still get people we barely know coming up to us asking after him. They usually comment on what a "character" he is. The OH usually has an alternative description in mind.

Of course, we love the bones of him, and look forward to his next visit! No doubt he'll come up with the usual suggestion. We have to buy 1600 ciggies for him, so that he can sell them back home for a profit to pay for his flight, which invariably we had to book and pay for in advance anyway. Somehow he always manages to pull this neat trick off - we must be getting soft!

Spam post? If so please click here to report it