Shar-pai Dog

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.

First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds, as he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade, realizing his employer wont be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the chimps house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both, what can he do? feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the south american bees and as soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and throws them into the lions cage because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo, he wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?"

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>>>The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees"

Roger and Annemarie ( The fromies )

APPLE announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants!!

The ITIT, as it is called, will cost £499 to £599, depending on speaker size.

This considered to be a major break-through, as women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them....................!!

In the meantime, Woolworths are to sell all their Teddys at cost price at Christmas, after Muslim leaders complained it was wrong to make a prophet out of a Teddy. 

Anon. 

ODE TO A ROBIN.

I woke up early one morning and the sun was shineing bright,I heard a little robin singing it's hearts delight, it sang so soft and sweetly as I climbed out of my bed, I gently closed the window and crushed it's b....y head.

the fromies

Alittle boy and a litle girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together and eat their lunch. The discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on through the 4th and 5th grades, until, one day, he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich. He said 'Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?'. She said 'I love it but I have to stop eating it'.

'Why' he asked.

She pointed to her lap and said 'Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!'.

'Let me see' he said.

'Okay' and she pulled up her skirt

He looked and said 'Thats right, you are better not to eat any more chicken'.

He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl, 'I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there, too!'. She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her!.

'Oh my God, its too late for you, you've already got the neck and GIBBLETS!!!!!

John B.

Nice one john!! but tell me, where'd get the graphics??

the fromies.

   WRITE A CAPTION AND WIN A CRATE OF BEER!!!

               BEER LORRY CRASHES..                    

        OWING TO A (BIG HOLE IN THE ROAD)

          POLICE ARE LOOKING INTO IT....         

              PLEASE SEND MY CRATE OF BEER TO M13                 

WE MIGHT AS WELL DUMP IT HERE MATE

NO ONE AT HOME IN SIERRA GOLF FOR

AT LEAST ANOTHER YEAR 

BUT MY ADDRESS IS M13-8 TO DROP THE BEER OF ON THE

13th may