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Landlord Blues: Renting out the house from hell

I am using this blog to publish extracts from my third book on the subject of dealing with tenants from hell. The aim of the book and blog is to give people an insight into what the life of a landlord can be like and to provide tips for making landlords’ lives easier. This is done by describing real experiences of our worst-case scenarios. This should help you avoid getting into the same fixes.

His own family won't house him, but would like us to
Friday, February 21, 2014 @ 2:47 PM

On the night of the suicide attempt, Adrian hadn't gone to the hospital in the ambulance with Peter in the end, as he would have been stranded there without a car. Besides which, he wanted to watch the rugby and have his tea; it was gone 7pm by the time the ambulance had come and we hadn’t eaten or had a cup of tea for hours. In fact, Adrian needed a beer by the time we got home. After that he had the conversation with Peter’s mum, also informing her that we could no longer have her son as a tenant; he needed some kind of supportive housing.

‘But he’s got nowhere to go,’ his mum said.

‘What about your house?’ Adrian replied. We often have relatives pleading with us to house their family member but they don’t want them in their house. Adrian said it was non-negotiable. Peter was then texting later in the evening, asking Adrian to ‘phone, so Adrian switched his ‘phone off. It was time to try and relax and salvage something of his Saturday night.

A police officer had popped in briefly after the ambulance left and as I was cleaning up all the broken glass downstairs, and mopping up all the blood from the wooden stairs. He thought we wanted to press charges, but we said we weren’t interested. He gave us an incident number in case it helped us to evict him.

The next day Adrian ‘phoned Peter, not looking forward to it as, predictably, Peter begged him not to evict him.

'I'll replace the door. Honest. I'll never do it again. I promise. I'll behave myself.'

'No,' Adrian refused. 'And it would be best if you don't go back to the house at the moment as things are bound to kick off between you and Jason. You know they will. And then you'll end up going for Jason and you'll probably be the one who gets arrested' (as well as damaging our house even more). It had turned into an alcoholic den. Jason had even said that Peter was pissing on the floor upstairs in his bedroom and that the urine was seeping through the ceiling into Jason’s room. Between the two of them, they were wrecking the house.

A couple of days after the incident, Adrian went to formalise Peter and Jason's two-month notices:

Firstly, he went upstairs to see Peter and discussed the arrangements with him and his ‘best friend’ Dezzer, who made up a threesome with Adrian in Peter’s room. Peter was whispering as he reckoned Jason below would be able to hear. He had some tears, but Adrian said we would not be invoking the 14-day notice (actually, we couldn’t anyway, but Peter didn’t know that). Instead, we'd give him nearly three months’ notice. It sounded like a favour but we had no alternative and wouldn’t have chosen to give him so long, as it gave him and Jason the opportunity to do more damage. Adrian then knocked on Jason’s door, but he wouldn’t answer. He must have known he was in our bad books after his dreadful behaviour on Saturday. Then, when Adrian was nearly home he sent several texts.

Jason: Soryy mate I was was half asleep when u kmonoked dorr: thought it was Peter. u van call me any time.

Jason: im going easy on the time. v. big time. he NEEDS to move on.

Jason: So are you gona get rhyd of him the nice way. yreah I know hes not right up stairs but theres people who want him from here. hes had enough warnings I will leabe it at your discretion for a week.

Jason: good look calling round on monday Peter He just been smadhing the house up again. i will give u what i owe you as soon as u get rid of this sex offender. it not fair. x

Jason: Peters going off on a mad one again cozy he cant find a plate hes spewed on. He also said im getting kicked out. Is there any truth in that? X

Jason: Thanks for all youve done for me. Please send me the bill and I will settle up. Im not a problem in this house. Ask Okinawa.

Jason: hi adrian its Jason from hill view. oki asked me to text u coz thers a leek in both bathrooms and the cold tap not working in kitchen. also Peter broke bathroom seat but not man enough to own up to it. must have been him no one else was in. my missis giving it in the neck to me to coz she fed up cleaning up his mes when she comes round. spoke to him about it but he dont listen.

I didn’t envy Adrian going to the house, sometimes sticking his hands down their filthy toilets to scrub them clean. If the council officials came, they’d blame us but we weren’t the ones who didn’t know how to use a toilet brush. I had to dissuade Adrian from going up there one day, when he was feeling low; it wasn't long since his mother had died. The last thing he needed was to go to a place which was depressing even when you were in good health.

'And to think Jason and Peter get everything paid for by the state,' I moaned to Adrian. 'And the benefits seem to cover their large alcohol and tobacco expenses.'

They wouldn’t even hoover up or run a cloth over the kitchen…

'They’ll want us to wipe their arses next,' was my constant refrain.

Unfortunately, Hill View was just the kind of house where we would always have to have regular culls. This time we had to get out two high-maintenance alcoholics. Previously the problem had been tenants who liked to stay rent-free and were always astonished when we then said we'd like them to leave.

I didn’t envisage an especially difficult process this time though, as the rent money would still mostly be coming in in the form of Housing Benefit and it was always the lack of funds which caused the greatest stress. Mattresses, beds, carpets etc. would all have to be replaced, which would cost. There would also be voids for however long. But if we didn’t get them out, they'd wear the house down into the ground. With Peter even peeing upstairs it was as though an animal was living there. In fact, it reminded me of my friend's Mum, Mrs Ritch, when I was a child. Mrs Ritch's poodle, Topsy, used to pee and poo on the floor of her dedicated bedroom-come-lavatory. When the next council tenant moved in, she said the place stank from years of these effusions.

This time I knew I'd have to give Adrian a hand, when they moved out, which I expected to be by the end of October.

'I reckon they'll both move out without too much fuss,' I reassured Adrian. 'After all, they’re both actually quite meek characters.' Famous last words. Peter was to go very quickly and amicably, but Jason dug his heels completely in and it seemed we'd quite misjudged him.

 



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