This post was inspired by a forum post I read elsewhere on EOS today. Somebody said they loved living in Spain - in fact it shone through their response - but they wrapped up the post by saying they wanted to end their days in the UK. Another responder asked why they would want to do that, and it got me thinking about life, death, and where we want to end up. I'm not talking about Upstairs with wings, or Downstairs shovelling coal, I mean here and now, and where and why.
Several of my friends have said they'd prefer to go 'home' to die, but they can't explain why - it's just the way they feel. I suspect it's to do with wanting friends and family to attend the funeral. That can be difficult when those friends and family are a thousand miles away, and Spain almost wants to bury or cremate you before you're properly dead, as the last rites follow the last breath pretty swiftly. There may also be an element of wanting somewhere convenient for your friends and relatives to come with flowers, or simply to remember you, but the truth is, they probably won't even bother, even for significant dates.
I think the main thing is, these people don't think of Spain as home, and they think dying here is a betrayal of their roots and their culture, even if, as in some cases, they've lived in Spain for as long as they've lived in the UK. They want to die where the people speak their lingo and the rituals are familiar. And maybe they don't fancy going 'ashes to ashes' in a Tantorio on an industrial estate. Who knows?
I do know that, when I have the misfortune to wake up dead, I don't really mind where I am. It's the time between now and then that is more of a concern to me - I don't want to die anywhere just at the moment, because life is just too good to leave behind. My husband Tony is 79, and in the normal run of things, he'll go before me as I'm 'only' 60. My mother always tried to warn me about 'dirty old men,' but I never imagined I'd be lucky enough to land one of my own!
Friends and family say I'll 'have to' go back to the UK if something happens to Tony, but I don't see why I should. As far as I'm concerned, Spain is home, and you don't usually up sticks and leave home when someone dies. On the other hand, he feels he'd have no choice other than to return to the UK, as he doesn't speak Spanish, and he can't drive because of vision problems.
Tony often says he doesn't want me spending a fortune to dispose of him, and like me, he doesn't mind where he is when the end comes, as long as it's not within the next few days, weeks and months. He says he'd like to be cremated, but I have my reservations about that. With all the red wine and brandy he's put away since we've been here, it will probably take a week to put the flames out.
We create scenarios where I say I'll strap him in the passenger seat of our motor home, and get him back to the UK, because we're long standing members of the Co-op, and we can save £100 on the funeral. If I get stopped, I'll just say he's so terrified of my driving, he's speechless, or something like that. It could be something like the Monty Python 'Dead Parrot' sketch, only even sillier.
All joking aside, I really don't think it matters where you end your days, although I respect the views of others who may think differently. The most important thing is how you live your life, so we don't waste valuable time stressing about where we're going to die.
