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Spanish Eyes, English Words

A blended blog - Spanish life and culture meets English freelancer who often gets mistaken for Spanish senora. It's the eyes that do it, rather than the command of the language. Anything can and probably will happen here.

Shakespeare Insult Kit - a great way to counter Spanish red tape!
20 June 2013 @ 14:39

Sometimes, when I log into Facebook to see what the grandchildren are up to, I come across a real diamond in the dirt, and that happened to me yesterday. As you may know, I'm passionate about Shakespeare, so I always follow up on any Bard-related links, especially if they appear to be a bit off the wall.

This one certainly fits the bill. It does what it says on the tin - it's a Shakespeare Insult Kit, and it works like this: start off with the Olde English word 'Thou,' then take one word from each of the three columns of words from Shakespeare. You now have your own authentic, original Shakespearean insult. It works very well if you make use of alliteration and choose words that begin with the same letter, but it's just as good with random words.

I amused myself for a whole afternoon, and I thought how satisfying it would be to rely on those insults next time I hit my head against the brick wall of Spanish bureaucracy. For example, next time the bank clerk tells me I can't pay a bill in cash as it's one minute past 11.00 a.m., despite the fact that I entered the bank at 10.45, I could say,

'Thou churlish, clay-brained clotpole, I entered this establishment betimes, now kindly accept the cash.'

And when Iberdrola insists I haven't paid the electric bill, even though Banco Santander insists I have, it would give me great pleasure to utter something along the lines of, 'Thou mammering, milk-livered miscreant, check thy client account - the cash is there.'

I can only see two problems with this - they probably wouldn't understand a word of it, and they may be tempted to call the Guardia Civil to cart away the mad English lady who spouts words they can't understand in a manner likely to cause a breach of the peace. Still, it's a tempting proposition.

 



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5 Comments


Camposol said:
20 June 2013 @ 18:34

My favourite is -ye clod of wandering marl!


Dave said:
21 June 2013 @ 19:12

try this with Iberdrola

eres cobarde fly-mordida pies-licker

Where do you find this? hours of fun, thanks


LISA said:
22 June 2013 @ 02:43

I cannot believe Spain is still using the same bs!!!! What difference does it make that it's 11:01am? one is la cola.... for about 1/2 an hour.... and by the time you get to idiot behind the counter window.. it's already "hora de la comida"... lol! it's as if they were doing you a favor..you go to pay iberdrola it's not as if they are giving you the money to pay for the electric bill!!! I want to go back there but when I hear these stories I know they would call la guardia civil.. cuz I don't put up with stupidities and I always say... la cabeza no es solo para el pelo.


Don Lochnagar said:
22 June 2013 @ 08:50

Liza, por favor no ven aquí. ¡ Eres un whingo Brito!


Steve said:
22 June 2013 @ 09:06

Very amusing Sandra. If that doesn't work, you could always try the Michael Douglas approach from the film 'Falling Down'. Unfortunately that method is normally very satisfying, but very short lived. Your Shakespeare method is a lot safer.


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