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Wednesday, March 28, 2007
johnone
Adosado
I'm in La Reserva de Marbella
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What the Estate Agent Said ? V What the House Hunter Said !
"Ambient nightlife" "The house was two doors down from the Pub opposite the Fernando's all night Disco"
"Fourth bedroom / Study" "More suitable as a broom cupboard. A bedroom? Possibly big enough for a cot (a small one)
"Easy maintained gardens" "The garden was so small that investing in a spade would be a waste money."
"Attractive old building with original features" "This house hadn’t had any renovations since it was built in 1826"
"Convenient for local transport links" "The house overlooked the E-15"
"Much potential" "Steer clear unless you have a lot of money and believe your blind dates really did have nice personalities"
"Close to train station" "Everyone wants to be near the train station, but not when it backs on to your garden"
"Secluded location" "It was in the middle-of-nowhere - barren and desolate. Suitable film set for Mad Max 5.
"Charming" "Another word for tiny. The cottage’s main entrance was five foot high".
"Close to local schools" "The noise from the playground was deafening"
"A real fixer-upper" "Tear down and start again"
Got any more? Post em Here
This message was last edited by johnone on 3/28/2007.
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28 Mar 2007 4:05 PM
Gillespie
Finca
I'm in Costa Calida Area
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opps see above
This message was last edited by Gillespie on 3/28/2007.
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"The problem with realising your dream is that it becomes reality, and reality is what you were escaping in the first place." - Me
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28 Mar 2007 4:06 PM
Gillespie
Finca
I'm in Costa Calida Area
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Here are a few I came accross,
CHARMING NEIGHBOURHOOD - But the house we´re offering is Sh1te
GREAT INVESTMENT POTENTIAL - But right now it´s 25% into negative equity
COMMUTING DISTANCE TO LONDON - So is Fort William in a day!
SOLD FULLY FURNISHED WITH OWNERS CAR FREE TO BUYER - Bank reclaim owner did a runner
CLOSE TO GREENBELT AREA IDEAL FOR PETS - Pavements and grass full of dogsh1te
SAFE AREA FOR CHILDREN - Local paedaphile recently arrested
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"The problem with realising your dream is that it becomes reality, and reality is what you were escaping in the first place." - Me
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28 Mar 2007 7:24 PM
johnone
Adosado
I'm in La Reserva de Marbella
I've made 244 posts
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Nice Ones Gill'
Bijou: Would suit contortionist with growth hormone deficiency.
Compact: See Bijou, then divide by two.
Mature Garden: The local AZ marks your garden as Terra Incognita.
Benefits from 'exposed beams': that is to say the ceiling plaster came down when the upstairs bath overflowed.
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28 Mar 2007 10:29 PM
Candyfloss
Villa
I'm in Cardiff / Santiago de la Ribera
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One of my personal favourites
Easily maintained gardens It hasn't got any.
Also
Spectacular views As long as you stand on the roof with a pair of binoculars.
Easy Access to M4 It is on the M4
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28 Mar 2007 10:57 PM
Juan Pánzon
Ático
I'm in Marbella
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Hello there,
Is this like a recount of jokes about State Agents or it is being plainly said that that´s how we act normally?
Being an agent or working in the industry is sufficiently hard enough nowadays to piss on their graves.... If it´s sense of humour, excuse me for the comment,
Jhonone, I live in Mimosas, maybe one day we can meet for a pizza at Graham´s CaboPizza, a pitty you missed the meet up today !
Juan.
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"I knew a lad that went to sea and left the shore behind him, I knew him well, the lad was me....... but now I can not find him" ( Old sailor´s song"?)
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28 Mar 2007 11:05 PM
Candyfloss
Villa
I'm in Cardiff / Santiago de la Ribera
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Don't worry Juan,
It's all said in jest. I am an Estate Agent myself and if you don't laugh you'll cry LOL.
It's a hard market out there but keep smiling.
Gina
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29 Mar 2007 6:59 AM
johnone
Adosado
I'm in La Reserva de Marbella
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Hola Juan and everyone else
I would have loved to meet up, next time perhaps. I dont actually take up residence until 23 April, although I have had the property since it was completed in 2005. I have been out many times for a holiday, but now we are making the big move.
John
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29 Mar 2007 5:07 PM
Rixxy
Villa
I'm in San Pedro
I've made 1861 posts
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Hi Guys - Love the comments, I still have tears from laughing so much! John, we do intend to meet often so keep checking the website and we will meet soon!
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Quite frankly m'dear, I don't give a damn!
info@direct-auctions.com www.direct-auctions.com
www.herbalifemarbella.com
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29 Mar 2007 6:17 PM
dixie
Apartamento
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Here are some from when I used to live in Exmouth, Devon:
Sea views - flooded cellar, kitchen and dining room included in the sale
Sea glimpses - standing on tiptoe on scaffolding at second floor level, on a clear day.
Sea peeps (yes, really) - same scaffolding, same floor, but requiring the use of a harness and karribener - oh and somebody to hold the rope!
What I've never worked out is - do the agents REALLY think we believe them!
Dixie
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Dixie
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15 May 2007 11:02 PM
Candyfloss
Villa
I'm in Cardiff / Santiago de la Ribera
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This one is a lulu
Five minutes from the beach. If you have a batmobile!!!
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19 May 2007 2:40 AM
FibbyUK
** EOS Superstar **
I'm in UK, Surrey & Playa Flamenca, Costa Blanca
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"Nothings being built in front of you"
Ha, ha blinkin' ha ha!............. (and don't blink, cos it will,........... be built............. in the blink of an eye) 
Sorry Agents...........this happens!
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http://www.payingtaxesinspain.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk
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19 May 2007 9:56 AM
georgia
Villa
I'm in Algorfa (As seen on TV!!!)
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Hi Fibby,
The question i get asked most!!
"Will they build anything there" unless you are looking out to sea,across a golf course or up at a mountain 20000 feet above sea level the answer is probably yes!!!!!!!!!!!
Some others you her agents say;
"you will rent that out all year"
"of course its legal"
"it will be gone tommorow"
"you will make a fortune on this propertry"
"it will be finished in six months"
"you will be able to sell it for a profit before it's finished"
Not that i have ever muttered these immortal phrases,but we do get a lot of MASA,ATLAS,AMBASUN AND PARADOOR reps taking clients to the bars near our shop.
It does make you cringe at times
Regards
Georgia
ps Janice is quiet is she ok?
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"if you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything"
info@distantshores.es 
If carlsberg were Estate agents they would probably look like this>>>www.distantshores.es probably the best estate agents in the world.....!
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19 May 2007 4:12 PM
Pat and Roy
Finca
I'm in Hertfordshire. UK. Princesa Letizia IV, Formentera, Nr Rojales, Costa Blanca
I've made 615 posts
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Hi Georgia, Yes we know what you are saying we have a farm and the orange and lemon groves opposite us it's lovely but their is nothing to say in a few years time that could be built on, I hope not in my lifetime. We see such lovely sunsets their with the mountains in the distance. So fingers crossed. Regards Pat
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21 May 2007 12:36 AM
FibbyUK
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Georgia!
AQn honest Estate Agent, I commend you!
~i appreciate yours is a difficult profession and also us buyers are more than dificult too!
Nice to hear "one" speak the truth though,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
JeanSis?
Who knows, not me, she won't "talk" to me.
No communication at all..............
Sorry!
regards,
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http://www.payingtaxesinspain.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk
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20 Sep 2007 11:41 AM
pedz
Parcela
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I Was on an inspection trip with one of the biggest Agents on the CB after a day of visiting many properties non of them meeting any of the criteria we specified and well over our budget, I asked if we go view a property I had researched myself, “we don’t market these properties” came the sharp reply, being somewhat of a persistent individual, I managed to twist her arm and she took us out the villa we really wanted to see.
It took an age to get there and when we finally arrived we where rushed in too and out of the show house! Then she give us a run down of the area to say the least it was scathing, “too far from this, too close too that, non of this and too much of that! feeling a bit downhearted we went back to our hotel.
Now comes the interesting bit, the following day our guide arrived at our hotel nice an early as usual grinning from ear to ear, “good News” she proclaimed, I can sell you that villa you like, you want to go for another look? So off we went, only this time it only took 5 minutes to get there then we where handed keys to some of the remaining available properties, and allowed to peruse at our leisure, then the agent gave us a “revised” rundown on the development, honestly, I could not believe the glowing report she spewed out, I burst out laughing, less than 24 hours ago if we bought a house here we would surely perish, forgotten, left to rot in the middle of nowhere! But today it’s only two minute walk to all the shops bars restaurants schools, this is a great place to live so if you want one I will do all the paperwork tonight for you to sign in the morning! Your avin a laugh lady.
I did buy the villa, but not with that agency.
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If All You Have Is Lemons...
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20 Sep 2007 12:26 PM
georgia
Villa
I'm in Algorfa (As seen on TV!!!)
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Hi Pedz,
Great sory,come on dish the dirt who was the Agent(and i use the term loosely!)
Georgia
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"if you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything"
info@distantshores.es
If carlsberg were Estate agents they would probably look like this>>>www.distantshores.es probably the best estate agents in the world.....!
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20 Sep 2007 12:33 PM
pedz
Parcela
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give you a clue "@"
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If All You Have Is Lemons...
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20 Sep 2007 12:43 PM
FibbyUK
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I'm in UK, Surrey & Playa Flamenca, Costa Blanca
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LAS????
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20 Sep 2007 12:46 PM
georgia
Villa
I'm in Algorfa (As seen on TV!!!)
I've made 1281 posts
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Thanks Pedz,
You have just made my week!!!!!!!!!!you could probably here me laughing from there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i in fact i think i have lost a rib!!!!!!!!!!
There used to be a thread on here about them but it got deleted because it caused a big row!!!(with me) and one of their bosses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So did you go direct??????
Thanks again!!!!!!!!!!
Georgia
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"if you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything"
info@distantshores.es
If carlsberg were Estate agents they would probably look like this>>>www.distantshores.es probably the best estate agents in the world.....!
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