HELLO, HELLO THIS IS NOT CALIDONIA CALLING.......
Is there life at Calidonia? Well according to the world’s second best joke, there should be:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went camping. They pitched their tent and went to sleep. Sometime during the night Holmes woke Watson and said.
“Look up and tell me what you see, Watson”
“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” said Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?” said Holmes.
“Well, if there are millions of stars, and even if a tiny minority of those stars have planets, then it’s likely there are a few planets like the Earth out there. And if there are planets like the Earth are out there, then it means there might be life out there. And that means we are not alone in the universe, Holmes.”
Holmes replied. “Very interesting Watson, but what it means is that someone has stolen our tent.”
And what about the World’s funniest joke? Apparently this varies depending upon the nation. For example, in England it is:
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. As she pays for her ticket, the bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You shouldn't take that. You tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey."
Note from a generous man: "I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."
Two friends are playing golf at their local course. One is about to chip on to the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "That is the most touching thing I have ever seen. I never knew you were such a sensitive man."
The man replies: "Yeah, well, we were married for 35 years."
In Northern Ireland's:
A doctor says to his patient: "I have good news and bad news."
"Oh dear, what's the good news?" asks the patient.
The doctor replies: "You only have 24 hours to live."
"That's terrible," says the patient. "How can this news possibly be good news?"
The doctor replies: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
Two weasels are sitting at a bar. One starts to insult the other.
He screams: "I've slept with your mother!"
The bar gets quiet as everyone listens for what the other weasel will say.
The first one yells again: "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"
At last, the other says: "Go home, dad, you're drunk."
And finally Spain’s favourite joke:
This woman rushes to see her doctor, looking all strung out.
She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry, my skin all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me?"
The doctor looks her over and calmly says: "Well, I can tell you there's nothing wrong with your eyesight…"
Sorry, only drink twice a year and today is one of those days....................