If you've been paying attention since I started this blog on EOS, you'll be aware that one of my pet peeves is the unprofessional approach of some of the free English language newspapers on the Costa Blanca. They run on a shoestring, and encourage enthusiastic amateurs to contribute just to get their name in print - and it shows! Some of the pieces are full of typos, poor sentence structure and grammar - hang on, don't get me started on that again.
Wait a minute - I started it, didn't I? Back on topic - one of the happy exceptions is The Courier, which is a relatively new kid on the block, being a little over two years old. Consultant editor Donna Gee runs a tight ship, and she doesn't pull any punches. I don't always agree with her opinions, but I do always enjoy reading columns, because she says what other people are thinking.
Last week, Donna was incandescent with rage after being forced to pay 50 Euro to check in her hand luggage, because when she put her handbag into her case - as per their rules - it wouldn't fit into their anorexic luggage cage. As she said, effectively it was a fine for being a lady and carrying a handbag, and it happens all the time.
I'm right with Donna on this. When we moved to Spain 5 years ago, T. J. Hughes - remember them? - had some stylish suitcases on offer which were guaranteed to fit the infamous luggage cages. I thought it was a good idea to have two dedicated bags to use when we were travelling to and fro, so we could toss things in there as we thought of them. I took along the tape measure just to make sure, and even allowing for a bit of expansion, the measurements were just right to fit Ryanair's diktats guidelines.
In fact, all the airlines give the same measurements for hand luggage, so why was it that when I took my shiny new suitcase along to our local airport for a dummy run, it would fit snugly into Easyjet's and Flybe's cages, but couldn't even be forced into Ryaniar's? Because Ryanair's cage is smaller, that's why!
Even worse than our wasted purchase of suitcases was this story. A friend flying from Bristol tried their case in the cage at check in, and it was fine, but when they were asked to fit the case into the cage at the boarding gate, it wouldn't go. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but it's pretty clear to me that the cage at the boarding gate is smaller than the one at check in, because once you get there, it's too late to jettison some stuff, so you have to fork out to check in the bag.
It happened to us once - the case easily fitted into the optional cage downstairs, but when it came to the compulsory check upstairs, it had suddenly and inexplicably gained girth - just like when I look at a slice of Bailey's cheesecake.
The operative on the departure gate detailed with repelling all boarders said I'd have to pay to check in the bag, but I launched a two pronged attack. I opened the bag and filled all my pockets - and my husbands - with as much stuff as we could fit into them, and when she said we weren't supposed to do that, I replied 'And you're not supposed to use a smaller cage up here than you use downstairs.' I was hoping she'd argue a bit more, so that I could call the manager and test my accusation, but she let me through - probably because she knew that it wouldn't stand up to investigation.
Like Donna, I'm also incensed that they don't allow women to carry even the smallest handbag on board. I've got around that one by using a very slim pouch with just a few Euros and the essentials such as a comb, a few printed out sudoku puzzles and a pack of tissues in it. My 'real' bag is packed - empty - into the hand luggage for use on the other side, and Tony carries the passports and boarding cards in his jacket pocket. I conceal my pouch under a jacket that zips up to the neck, once we've gone through security, and so I beat Ryanair at their own dastardly game.
In Alicante Airport's shops, there are numerous signs up saying that purchases can be carried on in addition to your hand luggage. They should amend those signs to read 'Unless you're travelling with Ryanair.' They should be shamed at every available opportunity, until they either stop these sharp practices or rename the airline 'Dick Turpin Airlines,' because what they're doing amounts to highway robbery. Unfortunately, it's no longer a capital offence.
