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 Mr McMurray, the Scot, lost in the final. He still has time on his side to get there. I couldn't watch it as I have a spasmed back, and laid flat on my bed for the last day or so. Helicopter Sanitarios came out. After my wife's phone call they were at my villa within 15 minutes. Brilliant people, brilliant service. By a mile the best annual expense that we have. Even if the young lady paramedic does like to play darts with my bottom.

Number one son says I'll do anything to get out of buying them dinner, short of emigration that is.

From The Telegraph: "Dying is to cost more at Kings Lynn Norfolk. Higher burial charges are to be introduced. The increased cost of living is blamed".

Men live on average now to 74, and women to 82. So when I turn 73 I intend to have a sex change operation........

My doctor told me I should get out of breath at least 3 times a week. So I'm going to take up smoking. I'm also trying to lose weight so I have 2 diets at the moment....well, you don't get enough to eat on just one.

What's the difference between Roast Beef and Pea Soup? Anyone can roast beef.

Ah well, better get back to bed and lay horizontal.......really boring existence, although it does give me a chance to work out plots for my next book.....always a silver lining.